


On The Edge

by Lyri



Category: Supernatural RPF
Genre: Bullying, Homophobic Language, M/M, Mentions of Rape, Mentions of Underage Sex, Violence
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-02-26
Updated: 2015-02-26
Packaged: 2018-03-15 09:35:59
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con, Underage
Chapters: 1
Words: 31,808
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3442253
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lyri/pseuds/Lyri
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Jensen's never going to be the popular kid. But his senior year of high school was supposed to be different. Chad and his goons had backed off - mostly - and Jensen had a guy who didn't mind putting out every now and then. But then, Misha moves away, and there's a new guy a school - a guy who seems to rev up the amount of abuse Jensen faces at school every day, just by being there. But is Jared all that he seems? Just a homophobic jock and nothing more? Or is there something else going on behind those hazel eyes?</p>
            </blockquote>





	On The Edge

**Author's Note:**

> I posted this fic three years ago on my LJ and it got very mixed reactions. As I move all of my fics over here, it would be remiss of me not to point out the same things I did when I was first posting this.
> 
> Jared is NOT a nice guy in this fic. There's just no getting past that. Though his actions and attitudes are explained, I can't ignore the fact that he does some pretty terrible things. That being said, he does have valid reasons to feel the way he feels. It doesn't excuse what he did, but I hope it at least explains it.
> 
> Chad is even worse, but I know that people expect that nowadays, lol.
> 
> I know that there are going to be people who are upset by this fic, but it was such a struggle when I was writing it in the first place, and I put off posting it for almost six months, before I let the work stand for itself. I got a lot of hate for this, but also a lot of love, so...yeah, it's out of my hands now.

Jensen Ackles slides into the front seat of his best friend’s car and tries his hardest not to pout. The last thing he needs this morning is shit from Danneel.

 

“Good morning, Mr. Grumpy Pants,” she says with a grin as she pulls away from the front of his house, turning right at the end of the street and heading for North Ridge High School, and Jensen sort of wants to curl up in a ball, or go back to his bed.

 

Or get drunk, yeah, that would be really good right now.

 

“Bite me, Danni,” he spits at her, and she chuckles, the bitch.

 

“Sweetie, we’ve talked about this, I’m just not your type.”

 

Well, there is that, and the fact that her boyfriend, Steve, would probably kick his ass from here to China just for even thinking about trying something with her. Not that Jensen would ever try to get into Danneel’s pants. She hasn’t exactly got the equipment he’s looking for.

 

“So, what’s got you in such a pissy mood this morning anyway?” Danneel asks, her eyes flicking to him every three seconds or so. If Jensen wasn’t so used to her driving by now, he’d freak out about that.

 

“Nothing,” he grumbles, sinking down lower in his seat.

 

“Like fuck it’s nothing,” Danneel spits. “You got laid last night, I know you did, so I know it’s not that, so, come on, enlighten me.”

 

Jensen sighs. He knows she won’t let this go until she gets an answer. She’s been his best friend since kindergarten, he knows how stubborn she can be, and she always seems to get what she wants.

 

Jensen considers lying to her for about half a second, making up some bullshit story about homework or college applications or something, but like he said, she knows him, and she’s not going to buy something like that as an excuse.

 

Besides, she’ll probably figure it out when she realizes that Jensen isn’t getting laid as often as he used to, and then he’ll have to listen to her bitch about lying to him for the next month and a half. Better to just bite the bullet and get it over with now.

 

“Misha’s leaving town. He apparently met his soul mate at some fucking hippy march or something and they’re moving to New Mexico to raise alpacas.”

 

Danneel gasps and turns to stare at him full on. Jensen’s really glad they’re at a stop sign.

 

“No fucking way! Are you serious?”

 

His shrug is all the answer she gets.

 

“So, you didn’t get laid? Is that what the moping is about?”

 

“No, I got laid. Sort of a ‘one for the road’ deal.”

 

Danneel turns her eyes back to the road and soon she’s turning into the gates of the high school. She waits until she’s parked in the first empty spot she finds before she kills the engine and gives him her full attention.

 

“Okay, so, then, what? I know this isn’t some love sick fool thing, because, seriously, it’s not like you thought Misha was the love of your life or something and now you think your life is over just because he’s leaving. There has to be something more to it than that.”

 

Jensen shrugs again, but she glares at him so he rolls his eyes.

 

“Look around you, Dan. This is high school, and I’m the only gay guy in an eighty mile radius. Or, at least, the only out gay guy in an eighty mile radius. Misha might not be boyfriend material or whatever, but he was still the only guy I knew who didn’t mind sucking dick or taking it up the ass every now and then. And now that he’s gone, I’m gonna be celibate from now until I leave for college, at least, and that is really going to fucking suck.”

 

“Or not,” Danneel quips. “I really don’t think you’re bendy enough for that.”

 

Jensen glares at her before he pushes open the car door and heaves himself out.

 

“Oh, come on! You set me up for that one!” Danneel laughs over the roof of her car and Jensen does nothing but flip her off.

 

Still, he waits for her while she pulls her cheerleading uniform from the trunk of her car and allows her to slip her arm through his as they walk to the front door of the school.

 

“Nice car,” Jensen says appreciatively as they pass the last space in the row. There’s a brand new Chevy Camaro parked there, gleaming black paint shining bright in the early morning sunshine.

 

“New kid,” Steve tells them as he sidles up to them, slipping an arm around Danneel’s waist and pulling her away from Jensen.

 

Jensen resists the urge to roll his eyes. Even after almost three years, Steve still isn’t getting the whole ‘gay’ thing and is still harboring not-so-secret fears that Danneel will decide that she really wants Jensen after all and the two of them will run away together.

 

Jensen thinks it’s much more likely that Steve will decide that he’s in love with his band mate, Chris, than it would be for Jensen to fall for Danneel’s charms, but he’s scared to say that out loud.

 

Steve’s words hit him then, and he blinks, trying to clear away the fog of depression that’s hanging over him. “New kid, huh? Guy? Girl? What are we dealing with here?”

 

Kids don’t transfer to their school often. In fact, Jensen thinks that Steve might have been their last transfer student, coming in from California mid-way through their freshman year. Theirs was a small town, nothing much to entice new people to the area, and they certainly didn’t come here looking to forward their careers. So Jensen can’t help but wonder what the kid’s parents could have done to earn themselves getting transferred here, because he sure as hell can’t come up with any reasons why anyone would voluntarily move to North Ridge.

 

“Guy,” Steve confirms. “Senior, from what I could tell. Doesn’t really look the type of guy who’d want to make friends.”

 

Jensen snorts. “Probably pissed at his parents for moving him to this shit hole.” God, he can’t wait to get out of here. Now that Misha’s gone, college can’t come soon enough.

 

///

 

The new guy turns out to be Jared…something. Jensen can’t really pronounce it, but when he walks into his science class, Jared is sitting in the empty seat at Jensen’s station, so he figures he’ll probably learn it.

 

Jensen is on his own in chem lab, the rest of his friends having dropped the subject as soon as it was possible for them to do so, and since Jensen isn’t exactly popular at the school, he doesn’t have a lab partner. But it looks like the arrival of the new kid is about to change that.

 

The guy’s cute, with his long-ish brown hair and tip-tilted eyes, and when he smiles, Jensen sees that he’s got dimples, and he knows he’s already on his way to falling fast.

 

///

 

Jensen makes it all the way until lunch before he sees Jared again, on the other side of the cafeteria. He’s sitting at a table surrounded by Chad and Tom and some of the other football players and a few cheerleaders who aren’t Danneel or Genevieve.

 

Jensen frowns. Jared’s certainly got the build for being a football player, but he didn’t seem like the kind of person who would want to hang out with Chad and his jock friends, and it surprises Jensen a little that Jared would feel comfortable surrounded by those meat heads.

 

Jensen isn’t proud of the hatred he harbors for Chad and the rest of the football team, but they’ve been making his life a misery since they were fifteen, and there’s only so much of a brave face Jensen can put up.

 

“He’s cute,” Genevieve points out as she looks up through her lashes from where she’s doing Steve’s math homework. Jensen would really like to know Steve’s secret, since he can never get Genevieve to do his math homework. Not that he needs her to do his math homework; Jensen has a solid 4.0 GPA, thank you very much. Still, he thinks the option would be nice.

 

He shrugs in response to the brunette – even though he secretly agrees – and Danneel not so subtly turns on the bench so that she can look at him.

 

“Little too emo for me,” she points out, and she’s right. Despite the amazing amount of peppiness surrounding the table the kid’s ensconced at, he’s looking positively sullen. He’d been bright and smiling all through their chem lab and Jensen wonders what happened between then and now to make him look so downtrodden.

 

“We got a name for this guy?” Steve asks as he snags some of Jensen’s fries.

 

“Jared Pada-something,” Jensen answers. “He’s in my science class.”

 

“Smart guy,” Danneel mumbles.

 

Genevieve laughs, but it isn’t a pretty sound. “Yeah, he’s a real smart guy, hanging out with douchebags like Tom and Chad.”

 

Jensen gives her a sympathetic smile. He knows how much Genevieve and Danneel hate the football team for what they’ve done to Jensen over the last few years, but it’s not like any of them can do anything about it.

 

It’s better for them to just ignore them as best they can and try to convince the new kid of Chad’s asshattery.

 

“He’s just finding his way,” Danneel soothes. “Maybe tomorrow, he’ll see what kind of dicks they are and join our side of the cafeteria.”

 

Jensen shrugs. He can admit – if only to himself – that Jared’s pretty damn hot, and he seems like a nice guy, from what Jensen figured out in science class.

 

Still, he’s not sure if it’s a good idea for Jared to spend every day with them when Jensen’s so obviously crushing on him. That’s the kind of torture he doesn’t need.

 

They lapse into silence, Genevieve finishing Steve’s homework for his class next period, while Steve and Danneel gaze longingly into each other’s eyes. Jensen feels slightly ill, but he still raises his camera and snaps a picture of the two of them. Maybe the yearbook staff can use it, but it’ll probably just end up in Jensen’s private collection.

 

It’s his thing, photography, it’s what he does. It’s his passion, as his mother likes to say, and he gets lost for a little while as he flips through the images from last week’s pep rally still stored on his digital camera, so he doesn’t really notice when the people around them start moving, gathering their things and getting ready to head to their next class.

 

“Fag.”

 

The word pierces through everything, the din of the cafeteria, Jensen’s own mind, and he looks up sharply to see Chad sneering at him, as usual, like Jensen was something he scraped off the bottom of his shoe.

 

Jensen just rolls his eyes. It’s nothing he hasn’t heard before, and if he didn’t know any better, he’d be convinced that Chad thinks that’s his name.

 

Then Jensen’s gaze lands on Jared, standing just behind Chad. The new kid looks a little confused, a little scared, and his eyes flick back and forward between Jensen and Chad, like he doesn’t know what to do in this situation.

 

Jensen doesn’t know why he’s surprised when Jared laughs, but he can almost feel tears prickling at the backs of his eyes when Jared shoves Chad playfully.

 

“Nice one, Chad.”

 

The crowd laughs as they walk away, Jared throwing a smirk at Jensen over his shoulder just before he rounds the corner.

 

Around him, his friends have all but frozen solid in their shock, and they all turn to watch the group walk away, Jared at the center.

 

“Tell me I’m hallucinating from all of these math equations and I did not actually see what I think I just saw?” Genevieve almost begs.

 

“I don’t even know what a math equation is and I saw it,” Steve tells her, his voice low.

 

The three of them turn to stare at Jensen, but he doesn’t really have an answer for any of them.

 

“It’s Texas,” Jensen tells them, like that explains everything. And maybe it does.

 

///

 

The next day, Jensen enters his science class to find Cindy Sampson sitting in the seat Jared had occupied yesterday. Jared’s sitting up front next to Cindy’s old partner, Brock Kelly, like he’s afraid just sitting next to Jensen will make him catch something.

 

Jared glares at him as he walks by, and all Jensen can do is shake his head and try not to cry as he walks to his station.

 

Cindy just stares at him as he takes his seat and Jensen sighs.

 

Jared really doesn’t deserve that Camaro.

 

Chapter 1

 

It just gets worse after that, which is pretty impressive, considering what Jensen’s had to put up with ever since he was outed during his sophomore year.

 

But it’s like Chad wants to impress the new kid, so he ups his torment of Jensen, and it’s rare for Jensen to go home from school without a new bruise to show off.

 

It’s a little over a month since Jared moved to North Ridge, and already everything about Jensen’s life has changed. He can barely go an hour before someone is making some snide comment in the hallway or classroom.

 

No one really made much comment of Jensen’s sexuality before, it was like one of those badly kept secrets – everyone knew, but not many people cared.

 

But now that they’ve seen Chad and his friends raise their game, some of the other kids in school have decided to join in, and it’s all Jensen can do to keep his head up and carry on as normal.

 

The looks he gets in the cafeteria make his skin itch, though, and he takes to sitting outside or in the photography lab, anything so that he can avoid anyone who isn’t his best friends.

 

And still, through it all, Jared ignores him as much as he’s able, only laughing and agreeing with Chad when he spits something at Jensen or shoves him into the lockers.

 

Jensen’s parents start noticing the change in his behavior and he puts it down to missing Misha. They know about his relationship with the older man, although Jensen made it out to be more than it was. His parents aren’t exactly traditional, but he doesn’t think they would like the idea of their youngest son having a sex buddy. Still, he can see his mom giving him worried glances over the breakfast table as he prepares himself for another day of misery.

 

He gets to school early, before most of the other students have arrived. He stopped riding with Danneel about two weeks ago, after they found her car had been egged. She told him not to be ridiculous, but if he could do something about this whole situation, he was going to make sure that his friends didn’t suffer because of him.

 

Not that his friends have got this memo, since Danneel still insists on sitting next to him in the few classes they share and Genevieve still corners him at lunch a few days a week so that they can run lines for drama. It’s like they don’t care that being near Jensen could get them hurt, and Jensen would be flattered if it wasn’t for the getting hurt part.

 

He swings open the door of the main building and heads for his locker in the south hallway. He’s got geography first period and he stupidly left his textbook in his locker.

 

Jensen stops short when he gets to the hallway, because Jared is there, sitting on the floor outside one of the art rooms like he has all the right in the world.

 

Jared looks just as surprised to see Jensen as Jensen is to see him, but even as Jensen watches, that look of surprise slowly melts off the other boy’s face and is replaced by something close to distain.

 

Jensen does his best to ignore Jared, even though he wants nothing more than to roll his eyes at him and tell him to grow up. He continues to his locker, spinning the dial and taking out the books he needs for his first three classes and swinging the strap of his camera around his neck.

 

“Where do you get off?” Jared words echo loudly in the stillness of the hallway but Jensen still has to pause and look around, wondering just who Jared is talking to, before he remembers that they’re the only two people in the hallway.

 

When Jared’s words finally register as being addressed at him, Jensen can’t help the laugh that bubbles up out of his throat.

 

“Excuse me? You’re asking me where I get off, when you’re the one who comes waltzing in here and joined the ‘We Hate Jensen’ club with barely a second thought? What the fuck is your damage, man?”

 

Jared pushes himself to his feet, and Jensen stands his ground as he crosses the space separating them. The last thing he wants to do is show this guy he’s afraid of him.

 

“My damage is you!” Jared says, his voice loud in the silence. “People like you, walking around like you own the fucking place.”

 

“People like me?” Jensen repeats, because he honestly has no idea what Jared’s talking about.

 

“GAYS!” Jared screams in his face. “Fucking gay people, thinking that the whole world owes you something just because you’re different. Like that makes you better than the rest of us!”

 

“I never once claimed I was better than anyone,” Jensen argues. “In fact, before Chad clued you in on the fact that I bat for the other team, you seemed to think I was a pretty okay guy. What was it you said to me in our chemistry class?” Jensen pauses dramatically, enjoying the way Jared squirms where he stands. “Oh, yeah, you said it was nice that your lab partner was someone you could get along with. You told me I was a ‘cool guy’.” He uses air quotes around the words and he feels as stupid as Danneel looks when she does it.

 

“That was before I knew what a sick fuck you were,” Jared growls menacingly. “Before I knew what it was you did to get yourself off. You’re disgusting, Ackles.”

 

Jensen blinks. He’s not ashamed of being gay, and he doesn’t wish he was straight, but the way Jared describes his sexuality makes Jensen a little sick to his stomach, and it’s clear that Jared has no idea what it means to be a gay man. He’s just listening to what he’s been told for years, and just accepted it as fact.

 

Just as the thought flashes through his mind, Jensen finds himself stumbling backwards and into the row of lockers, Jared’s face inches from his. Now is probably not the time to be noticing the pretty hazel color of Jared’s eyes or how kissable his lips are, but the whole thing is so surreal, it’s the only thing Jensen can focus on.

 

“You stay away from me, do you understand?” Jared whispers, his lips so close to Jensen’s he could reach out and kiss him if he wanted to. “I don’t even want you to be breathing the same air as me. Someone like you, you deserve to be locked up for what you do to little boys.”

 

Jensen chokes a little on his tongue as he tries to talk. “Boys? You think I’m some sort of fucking pedophile?” Jensen can’t even wrap his mind around the concept.

 

Jared nods. “I’ve met men like you before. I know you’re only after one thing. And you’re not going to get it from me.”

 

“I-I never said I wanted anything from you,” Jensen stutters and Jared backs away.

 

Jensen sinks to the floor and Jared glares down at him before he turns and storms off, leaving Jensen wondering what the hell the guy was doing in this hallway in the first place.

 

///

 

“I just don’t get it,” Steve says for what has to be the twelfth time since they settled on the couch in his basement two hours ago.

 

“Repeating that same sentence will not make you ‘get it’ any time soon,” Jensen tells him.

 

They’re playing video games and killing time until the girls get out of cheerleading practice. Homecoming is in just over a week and they need all the practice they can get.

 

“But I don’t,” Steve insists. He throws down his X-Box controller and turns on the couch until he’s facing Jensen head on. “I mean, come on, the whole thing is a little weird. The guy comes in, from who the fuck knows where, and suddenly he’s part of the popular crowd? He gets Tom outed as the starting left tackle, comes out top in most of the pop quizzes we’ve had, and still everybody loves him? It’s like something out of the fucking Twilight Zone.”

 

“Maybe he just knows how to manipulate people,” Jensen suggests, although fear and intimidation would work just as well and Jensen already knows that Jared’s really good at that.

 

“Maybe he’s putting out some kind of pheromone or something that has everyone falling all over themselves to please him and we’re just immune to it,” Steve wonders.

 

Jensen laughs. “You spend way too much time watching the Discovery Channel, man,” he says with a snort.

 

“I just think it’s really fucking unfair, man.”

 

“What’s the matter? Are you jealous that everyone didn’t bow down at your feet when you transferred here?”

 

Steve socks him in the shoulder and he rolls back against the couch cushions, but the two of them are laughing, so Jensen knows he didn’t cause any offense with his statement.

 

They’ve just calmed themselves down when the basement door opens and the two of them look up to see Genevieve and Danneel coming down the stairs, dressed in their normal clothes.

 

Jensen looks at his watch. It’s still early; they should have been at practice for another couple of hours at least.

 

“What’s going on?” he asks. “Why are you here?”

 

Neither of them answers him; Danneel just curls herself into Steve’s lap while Genevieve slumps down on the floor next to Jensen’s feet, her temple pressed against his knee.

 

“Babe?” Steve tries, but Danneel just shakes her head.

 

“You’re fucking scaring me here,” Jensen says honestly and Genevieve tips her head back to look at him.

 

“We quit the squad.”

 

“What?” Steve barks. He turns Danneel on his lap until he can look at her. “Why? What happened?”

 

Guiltily, Danneel casts a glance at Jensen, her mouth shaping words that don’t want to come out.

 

Jensen looks down at Genevieve, who’s curled herself into his leg, and he gets it.

 

“Me. You quit the squad because of me.”

 

Genevieve nods, Jensen can feel the movement against his leg. “Sandy said that the squad’s reputation couldn’t afford to have us be seen as being friends with you.” She sounds like she’s reading something from a textbook. “She said that the squad had to provide a united front to impress their new team member. So we had to disassociate ourselves with you if we didn’t want the squad to suffer.”

 

“We told her to go fuck herself,” Danneel adds. “Or, better yet, to go fuck Jared, since apparently that’s all she wants to do anyway.”

 

Jensen shakes his head. “You guys shouldn’t have done that. It’ll look bad on your college applications if you quit right before Homecoming.”

 

Danneel sits up straight. “So? Jesus, Jensen, do you think cheerleading is more important to us than you? Do you honestly think that we would choose to not be friends with you just so that we can wave our pompoms in the air and chant stupid rhymes? Grow up, Jensen.”

 

Genevieve shrugs. “Besides, this close to Homecoming? No way is she going to fill our spots in time, and it’ll just be funny to see Sandy try to work the routines without us.”

 

Danneel giggles. “The look on her face when we threw our pompoms at her feet was hilarious, almost made the whole thing worth it just for that. I think she honestly expected us to just decide that cheerleading was more important than friendship.”

 

Jensen is touched by their love and loyalty, but he can’t help but be more than a little worried. Their lives at school have just taken a nosedive, even though popularity didn’t mean all that much to them in the first place, as evidenced by Danneel dating Steve and not Tom or one of the other jocks.

 

“Well, I’m proud of you guys,” Steve says, and Jensen can hear that pride in his voice. “Not many people would stand up to someone like Sandy, especially when she’s got half the school in her corner.”

 

“Sandy’s just a little bitch looking to make herself even more popular by siding with the most popular guys in school,” Danneel says. “She doesn’t actually believe what she says, but she’s convinced that if she doesn’t agree with Chad then she’ll lose her standing in the group.”

 

Jensen drops his head back against the back of the couch, staring up at ceiling, and wonders how everything got so fucked up.

 

High school wasn’t great for Jensen before Jared arrived, but now it’s like he’s heading into battle every morning, doesn’t know if he’ll come out with some more bruises to add to his collection.

 

What did he do in a previous life to deserve this?

 

“I can hear you brooding,” Genevieve says to him quietly. “Knock it off. It was our decision; there was nothing you could have done to make us change our minds. Besides, if I’d ditched you just to stay on the squad, who would be my date to the Homecoming dance?”

 

Jensen squirms in his seat and she turns to face him, a dark look in her eyes.

 

“Oh, no. No way, you are not backing out on Homecoming, Jensen!” Genevieve gets up on her knees, her hands fisting in the material of his pants. “Jensen, you promised me that you would be my date this year for Homecoming and Prom! You promised.”

 

“I know, Gen, but things are a little different now, don’t you think?”

 

“You’re not seriously going to let those guys ruin your senior year, are you?” Steve asks.

 

“Haven’t they done that already? To all of us? If I show up at Homecoming, it’s just going to make everything so much worse.”

 

“And if you don’t, you’ll spend the rest of your life hating yourself because you allowed assholes like Chad Murray and Jared Padalecki to win.”

 

Jensen thinks it says something that Danneel has finally learned how to pronounce Jared’s surname.

 

“Besides, I already bought my dress, so fuck you,” Genevieve says without much heat. “I’m taking you to get your tux later today, so just suck it up, princess.”

 

“What? But it’s over a week away! There’s plenty of time!”

 

“Yeah, I know that, but if we leave it to the last minute then all the decent tuxes will be gone. I’m not showing up with you looking like a moron in some hideous eighties reject.” She bats her eyes lashes at him. “Come on, I’ll buy you all the coffee you want, and I’ll even throw in dinner at that pizza place you like.”

 

Jensen huffs. “Fine, but only because I love you so damn much.”

 

Beside him on the couch, Steve chuckles. “You’re gay and you’re still fucking pussy whipped, man.”

 

Danneel glares at him. “I wouldn’t laugh if I was you, sweetheart. You’re going, too.”

 

“What the fuck?!”

 

///

 

It’s lunch on the day of the Homecoming game and Jensen’s hiding out in the darkroom.

 

He’d like to say he was hiding from Chad and Jared and the rest of the douchebags, but right now, he’s hiding from Genevieve.

 

After taking Jensen and Steve to get their tuxes the previous week, Danneel and Genevieve had insisted that both of the boys needed haircuts before the actual dance. Jensen is convinced that this is why Steve hasn’t been in school since Tuesday.

 

He’s actually switched back to using standard SLR camera so that he has an actual excuse for being in the darkroom, but he can’t help but be a little relieved to be out of the crowd.

 

After they quit the squad last week, the girls decided that Jensen’s solo lunches weren’t going to fly anymore, so they’ve been meeting in the cafeteria as usual. But it still makes Jensen uncomfortable to be around the rest of the student body, especially after his run in with Jared in the hallway a few weeks ago. But the girls won’t let him hide anymore, so he’s stuck trying not to listen to the sniggers and the whispering, even though he’s pretty sure no one is trying to keep him from overhearing what they’re saying.

 

He slides another negative into the enlarger and smiles down at the image that appears, all fuzzy and inside out on the white board. It’s just a candid photo of a busy street, just something for his photography class, but he likes the way it looks – at least, he likes the way the negative looks. The perspective’s low, taken from below as Jensen crouched on the corner of the street, so the angles look all weird and awkward. Jensen can’t wait to see what it looks like when it’s printed.

 

Jensen flicks the red safe filter over the light as he turns to get some photo paper from the light proof box.

 

Lining up the paper, he makes sure his image is in focus one last time before he removes the red filter, letting light fill the page and printing the image to the paper as he silently counts to eight.

 

He’s just reached six when the door to the darkroom opens, flooding the room with light.

 

“What the fuck?!” Jensen yells to whoever just walked into the room. “Can’t you fucking read?!” There’s a huge sign on the door to the darkroom that says ‘Do Not Enter When Red Light Is On’ and the light on the wall above the door is plenty bright enough to be spotted even in the middle of the day.

 

Jensen casts a glance to the other side of the room, where his already printed photos are sitting in the fixing solution, and he prays that they’ll be alright. The photo he’d been printing is pretty much fucked, so he lifts the paper and tears it into pieces before he turns and tries to see who came into the room, since they have yet to speak. His night vision has been shot to shit thanks to the light, so all he can make out is that the guy is pretty fucking tall.

 

Tired of the disadvantage he’s at by not knowing who is in the room with him, Jensen stretches his hand out along the wall, feeling for the light switch and flicking it. He blinks against the sudden brightness, and then looks up at his guest.

 

Jensen wishes he’d left the light off.

 

“What the hell do you want, Jared?” he asks, backing into the corner, trying to put as much distance between himself and Jared as the small room will allow.

 

“I wanna talk to you,” Jared says, and it’s strange, because Jared’s voice is different than it was that morning in the hallway by his locker, not so angry, but not calm, either. He’s got a nice voice, and Jensen tries really hard not to notice that.

 

“Yeah?” he says instead, not taking is eyes off Jared just in case he’s decided the name calling wasn’t getting the job done and escalating things to the next level. “About anything particular, or can I pick the topic? ‘Cause I’ve got a few things I’d like to ask you.”

 

“Why do you have to be such a dick?” Jared says with a frown, and Jensen can’t help it, he laughs, long and loud, until he’s breathing hard and he has to focus to calm himself down.

 

“I’m sorry, is that a serious question? You’re seriously asking me why I have to be such a dick?” Jensen has to make a conscious effort not to burst out laughing again. “Is this, like, one of those hidden camera, reality show things? Am I being Punk’d or something?”

 

Jensen watches in amazement as Jared blushes, ducking his head in embarrassment, shuffling his feet, the whole nine yards, and he suddenly looks like a lost little boy, scared and unsure in the big wide world, and Jensen is thrown. He doesn’t know what to do, how he’s supposed to react to this.

 

His first instinct is to run, but then he thinks that he was here first, Jared’s encroaching on his space, and he should stand his fucking ground. Or better yet, defend it or something. God, he sounds like a fucking nature documentary.

 

“Look, I’m sorry. I know I haven’t exactly been the nicest of guys since I got here.”

 

“Yeah, no shit,” Jensen cuts him off, snarking loudly into the quietness of the room.

 

“Will you just let me talk? I’m trying to apologize here,” Jared says angrily.

 

“Apologize?! You think an apology is going to make up for what you’ve done to me since you got here? You and Chad have turned the whole fucking school against me, Jared. And for what? Huh? What fucking reason could you have for doing that to someone you don’t even know?”

 

Jensen doesn’t even see Jared move before the taller boy kisses him, pressing his lips firmly against Jensen’s.

 

The kiss is chaste, almost innocent, and Jensen has no fucking idea what he’s supposed to do.

 

Kissing back seems like a ridiculous idea, but he can’t make himself push Jared away, can’t make himself do what any other sane person would do and ask Jared what the fuck he thinks he’s doing.

 

When Jared’s tongue flicks out to lick across the seam of Jensen’s lips, it’s like reality crashes back into Jensen and hits him like a Mac truck.

 

He puts his hands on Jared’s chest and pushes so hard the taller boy stumbles back into a wall.

 

He just stares at Jared, into his wide, startled eyes. “What the actual fuck was that?!” he says, his breath heaving.

 

“Oh, fuck.” Jared turns on his heel and runs from the room.

 

Jensen just blinks, frozen to the spot.

 

“What the hell just happened?”

 

///

 

Jensen can’t concentrate in his classes after that, the kiss with Jared running through his mind over and over and over again, like it’s on a loop. He thinks he might be going insane.

 

Ms. Smith yells at him in English, when he spaces out and doesn’t hear her asking him a question and Danneel sends him a look from the desk next to his. It’s pretty obvious that she knows there’s something going on, but he just ducks his head and goes back to taking notes about the paper he has due next week.

 

“What the hell’s the matter with you?” Danneel asks as she catches up to him outside the classroom. “You were totally spacing out back there. It’s English class, Jensen, you never space out in English, no matter what shit you’re dealing with.”

 

Jensen shakes his head. “It’s nothing, Dan. Just leave it.”

 

“No, I will not leave it. There’s something wrong.” She pauses when they reach his locker and waits until Jensen spins the combination. “Did something happen with Jared or Chad? Is that what this is about?”

 

Jensen’s fingers slip on the door of his locker and he takes a deep breath, steadying his voice. “Nothing happened, everything’s fine.”

 

Danneel snorts. “Well, now that’s just a Goddamn lie. Everything is far from fine, Jensen, but something else has happened. I can see it in your eyes.”

 

He shakes his head again and swaps his English textbook for his cameras, puts both his regular SLR and his digital into his bag, knowing that he’ll probably use both at the dance. He checks how many rolls of film he has, wondering if he has enough to get him through the dance.

 

“Jensen,” she pleads when he doesn’t answer her and Jensen sighs.

 

“Please just drop it, Danni. I can’t deal with this right now.”

 

“But something did happen?” Stubborn as a fucking mule.

 

“Yes, but I’m not talking about it. Not right now.”

 

“He didn’t hurt you, did he?”

 

Jensen laughs. “No, Danneel. No, he didn’t hurt me.”

 

Just as the words are out of his mouth, something hard knocks him off his feet and into his locker, his lip catching on the door.

 

“Watch where you’re fucking going, Ackles.”

 

Jensen turns to see Chad glaring at him, Jared standing just a few feet behind him.

 

“Sorry, Murray, I should have realized your ego was so fucking big you needed the entire hallway to yourself.”

 

Chad’s eyes harden and he takes a step forward towards Jensen, his hands fisting at his sides. Danneel lets out a squeak, taking a step back, and Jensen really can’t blame her, even as he stands his ground.

 

“Leave it, Chad,” Jared’s voice stops them all in their tracks. “He’s not fucking worth getting suspended over.”

 

Chad sneers. “You got that right, Jay.”

 

The two of them walk away, and Danneel waits until they’re at the other end of the hallway before she takes Jensen’s face in her hands, examining the cut on his lip.

 

“I’m going to fucking kill that bastard,” she mutters as she pulls a tissue from her purse to wipe away the blood he can feel running down his chin.

 

“Jared didn’t do anything wrong,” Jensen tells her distractedly, his attention focused over her right shoulder, his eyes locked with Jared as the other boy watches him from the other end of the hallway.

 

“I was talking about Chad,” she says quietly, something he can't quite define in her voice.

 

Jared tears his gaze away from Jensen, lowering his head, his posture defeated as he disappears around the corner.

 

It takes everything Jensen has not to run after him and he doesn’t know why.

 

Chapter 2

 

Jensen doesn’t go to the Homecoming game, even though he’s supposed to take photos for the yearbook and the school newspaper. He calls a guy from his photography class and asks him to take his place and spends the evening locked up in his room trying very hard to think about anything other than Jared. So, of course, Jared is the only thing his mind wants to focus on.

 

It’s sort of pathetic really.

 

He hides away from everyone until it’s time for the dance, and he comes downstairs, his tux perfectly in place, just as Steve arrives to pick him up.

 

“I cannot believe you guys are making me drive,” he gripes as Jensen’s mom opens the front door for him, not even bothering to say hello to her. Donna just rolls her eyes and smiles.

 

“Well, as it’s a high school dance, I really don’t see why driving would be an issue, Steve,” Donna says with a gleam in her eye. “What else would you be doing if you weren’t driving?”

 

Steve blushes and avoids her gaze and Jensen laughs.

 

“You’ve got the biggest car anyway, man. Makes sense for you to drive.”

 

“Nothing stopping you from driving my car,” Steve points out and Jensen just shrugs.

 

“Have fun, boys,” his mom says as she sees them out, reaching up to kiss Jensen’s cheek before he leaves.

 

The girls are getting ready at Danneel’s house and Jensen stands in the hallway next to Steve and watches them come down the stairs. He knows – somewhere in the back of his mind – that they’re saving the big guns for Prom, that’s when the really fancy dresses come out. But looking up at the girls as they glide down the stairs, Jensen knows that he has never seen anything more beautiful in his whole life.

 

“Holy shit,” Steve breathes next to him, taking in Danneel’s simple but stunning black dress and heels. Mrs. Harris smacks him upside the head and he grunts in pain, but he doesn’t take his eyes off Danneel.

 

Jensen nods in agreement, even as his own date descends the last step and stands before him.

 

Genevieve is wearing a strapless black and white dress and bright red shoes, and both of the girls look so beautiful that Jensen knows he has to be gay if he doesn’t want either of them even a little bit.

 

“You approve?” Genevieve asks, twirling around for them, Danneel following suit.

 

“Holy shit,” Steve says again, and Jensen wonders briefly if he’s lost the power of coherent thought at the incredible site of his girlfriend, or if Danneel’s mom has smacked all the sense out of him as she hits him again for cursing in her house.

 

Danneel laughs and blushes prettily at the effect she’s having on her boyfriend.

 

They pose for Danneel’s mom as she takes the customary photos, promising to have copies for each of them, before Jensen shoos the three of them out the door.

 

“Come on, you’re the ones who actually wanted to go to this thing, and now you’re going to make us late.”

 

“I still can’t believe we have to go to Homecoming in Steve’s car,” Danneel pouts as she pulls her wrap tighter around her shoulders to ward off the chill of the evening air. Jensen notices that Genevieve doesn’t have a wrap, or a jacket, or anything even remotely similar and he knows she’ll probably end up wearing his tuxedo jacket on the way home.

 

“We can’t afford a limo, Dan,” Genevieve reminds the red head. “We said we were gonna save the cash and get a limo for Prom, remember?”

 

“Yeah,” Steve agrees. “And to do that, we have to use my car now.” He holds the passenger door open for her and smirks. “Just be thankful I’m nice enough not to make you drive.”

 

Danneel huffs and gets into the car.

 

///

 

Homecoming is just like Jensen thought it would be – loud and bright and annoying.

 

He has a good time, throwing Danneel and Genevieve around the dance floor, taking pictures of the gathered students that he hopes the yearbook people or the school paper can use. He even manages to take a few abstract shots with a low shutter speed that he thinks he could use for his upcoming project in photography.

 

But he can still feel the eyes of almost every one of the assembled students as they sneer at him, wondering what the hell he thinks he’s doing coming to Homecoming, like he thinks he has a right.

 

If he cared, Jensen would tell them all that this is his school, too, he has just as much right to be here as anyone else, but he’s tired. He’s tired of the whole fucking thing and he just wishes people would leave him alone and let him live his own life. After all, he’s not hurting anyone, is he? So why do they all care so fucking much?

 

He makes it all the way until they’re crowning the Homecoming King and Queen, but as he takes photos of Jared and Sandy collecting their crowns, he’s just had enough.

 

“Jen,” Genevieve says sadly as he makes his way out of the crowd.

 

She moves to follow him and he shakes his head. “I’m alright. I just need a cigarette.”

 

She nods, but he can tell she’s worried. Still, she lets him go without a fuss and Jensen leaves the ballroom of the hotel, heading for the parking lot, just looking for some peace and quiet.

 

He’s got a cigarette out of the pack and already in his mouth by the time he makes it to the parking lot and he sinks down onto the curb, oblivious to his rented tux, and just lights up, inhaling deeply on the first drag.

 

He sits like that for a while, smoking one cigarette after another, watching the grey smoke curl away into the black night. He can still hear the music from the dance pounding loudly, although it’s slightly muted now that Jensen has put some distance between himself and the ballroom, but it doesn’t stop the way the bass is pounding through his skull, and Jensen can’t help but just want to go home.

 

Taking his cameras from around his neck, Jensen sets his SLR aside and stubs out the butt of his last cigarette and then picks up the digital, turning it on.

 

The display on the camera’s screen tells Jensen that he’s taken over a hundred photographs, and that’s just the digital. He changed the film in the SLR twice, and he wonders how on earth he could have taken so many pictures when he really doesn’t want to be here.

 

There’s a little voice at the back of his head, telling him that he’s been hiding behind the cameras, using them as a shield, and he’s not sure he can come up with a decent argument against that theory.

 

Scrolling idly through the photos, Jensen is surprised by how many photos he’s managed to take of Jared and his little gang of bullies. There are tons of them, grouped around their table at the back of the room, taking over the dance floor like everyone else was in their way.

 

And one shot of Jared alone, staring straight at the camera, a tight smile on his face.

 

It’s an incredible shot, one Jensen would be extremely proud of, if it was someone else in the frame.

 

But it isn’t someone else, it’s Jared, looking ridiculously good-looking in his black tuxedo and black shirt and black tie, and it’s just not fair that someone that fucking beautiful had to be a world class dick.

 

“Well, well, well,” slurs a voice from the darkness, “if it isn’t the little faggot.”

 

There’s a drunken giggle, and Jensen looks up to see Chad and Sandy stumbling out from between the rows of parked cars. Chad is fiddling with the lapels of his tux jacket and Sandy’s straightening her dress and it’s obvious, even to a blind man, what they’ve been up to.

 

Jensen sighs and sets his cameras on the ground. “I’m so not in the mood to deal with your bullshit right now, Chad.”

 

“Yeah?” Chad says, coming to an awkward stop in front of him. “Well, too fucking bad, Ackles. “

 

Jensen squints up at him. “What the hell do you want, Murray?”

 

Chad’s drunkenness gives way to hatred and his eyes cloud over as he glares down at Jensen.

 

“What do I want?” he spits viciously. “What I want is for your fucking fag ass to get the hell outta my school. I ain’t got no time for homos like you taking up space.”

 

Jensen snorts, getting to his feet. “Yeah? Well, good thing it ain’t up to you, then, huh? This isn’t your fucking school, Murray. You don’t own shit around here, and no one gives a fuck what you want. You know, I’ll bet big bucks that no one would give a damn about the fact that I’m gay if it wasn’t for you making such a big fucking deal about it.”

 

Jensen doesn’t see Chad lift his foot, he’s too busy glaring at the guy. He doesn’t know what’s happening until the toe of Chad’s shiny dress shoe catches him in the gut and he stumbles from the blow, tripping over the curb and falling back to the asphalt.

 

Before he can process what’s happening, Chad’s foot slams into his stomach, making him double over, coughing and spluttering as all the air rushes out of his lungs.

 

Chad’s foot connects with his ribs then, and he grunts in pain, and then he just lets go. He doesn’t know how long he’ll carry on, and Jensen knows that pretty soon he’s going to pass out, so he just stops fighting it.

 

Distantly, he can hear Sandy jumping about and clapping her hands, like she’s cheering for a fucking football game, but it all sounds like he’s underwater, and everything feels thick and heavy.

 

There’s blood in his mouth now, and Jensen doesn’t know if it’s coming from the kick to the nose, or if he’s somehow managed to split his lip, and he thinks either is possible right now.

 

“HEY!” someone yells, and Jensen manages to blink his eyes open, just enough to see that same really tall someone that snuck into the darkroom yesterday run out of the shadows and tackle Chad. Through the haze of pain, Jensen manages to think that Jared really earned his spot as left tackle.

 

“What the hell do you think you’re doing?!” Chad screeches as he disentangles himself from Jared and gets back to his feet.

 

“Why the fuck are you beating on him?” Jared just screeches back, and it’s all getting a little too loud for Jensen’s pounding head.

 

“You’re standing up for the fag?” Jensen can hear the utter astonishment in Chad’s voice.

 

“Yes,” Jared answers confidently. “Calling the guy names is one thing, but beating him to a bloody pulp? Not gonna happen. What business is it of yours where he likes to stick his dick?”

 

If Jensen was capable of speech right now, he’d take offense at that comment.

 

“It’s sick, that’s why.” Sandy. Jensen had almost forgotten she was there.

 

“Why?” Jared asks. “Are you jealous, Sandy? Is that what this is? You’re pissed because Jensen doesn’t want to be with you?”

 

“Don’t be absurd, Jared,” Sandy huffs, but Jensen can hear something in her tone that makes him think that Jared isn’t far wrong.

 

“Walk away, Jared,” Chad warns. “Walk away right now and we’ll pretend like this never happened.”

 

“Not gonna happen, Murray.”

 

Jensen would really like to know when Jared decided to become his knight in shining armor, but then there’s a girl calling his name and everything changes.

 

“Get the fuck off of him, Padalecki!” Chad yells, and there’s just enough light in the parking lot for Jensen to see the look of shock and confusion on Jared’s face.

 

“What the hell is going on over here?!”

 

And that right there is Principal Morgan, and Jensen wonders just how bad things could get right now.

 

“We just came out here and found Jared wailing on the guy!” Sandy says almost instantly, outrage in her voice, even though Jensen can see her wobbling on her high heels.

 

“Jensen,” the same girl repeats his name, and Jensen recognizes Genevieve’s voice now because she crouches down next to him, Danneel on his other side.

 

“Yeah, we tried to pull him off, get him to stop,” Chad agrees with Sandy, still standing between Jared and Jensen.

 

“What?!” Jared exclaims, turning to face both of them.

 

“Well, didn’t you?” Sandy accuses.

 

Jensen laughs through the blood. “I really don’t understand why you’re surprised right now,” he says to Jared. The girls step back and Jensen allows Steve to help him to his feet.

 

“Jensen, do you have anything to say about what happened here?” Principal Morgan asks.

 

Jensen cocks his head at Jared, tries to figure out what’s going through the boy’s head, and then he just sighs, gives up almost. “Why don’t you ask Jared, sir?”

 

“Because I’m asking you.”

 

“I honestly don’t know, sir,” Jensen tells him, his eyes on Jared. “I have no idea what I could have possibly done to make this person think that beating me to a pulp was the way to end the evening.”

 

Jensen knows he’s being petty, not telling Morgan the truth about what happened, but he can’t bring himself to care. Jared needs to know just what kind of person Chad really is. The kind of person who would sell their supposed friend down the river just to save his own sorry ass.

 

“Mr. Padalecki?”

 

Jared looks at Jensen, pain in his eyes, and shakes his head.

 

Principal Morgan sighs. “Alright, fine. I want to see both of you in my office first thing Monday morning. For now, get yourselves out of here, Homecoming is over for both of you.” Morgan turns on his heel and heads back to the hotel.

 

“You really shouldn’t let him out in public you know,” Sandy says with a breathy laugh. “He gets himself into all sorts of trouble.”

 

Jensen doesn’t even have the energy to respond.

 

Danneel, however, clearly does.

 

“What the hell is your problem, Sandy? Huh? Just once I would like the truth from one of you, just once. What has Jensen ever done to any of you to make you hate him so much?”

 

“He’s a fag,” Chad says simply.

 

Sandy nods. “Yeah, Bible says it’s wrong, so it’s wrong.”

 

“Bible also says you can’t eat shellfish or wear clothes made from more than one thread,” Genevieve points out, “but I still saw you chowing down on that crab salad they served in there, and I’m pretty sure your pretty little dress is made of spandex. I guess it’s only certain rules in the Bible that you follow, right?”

 

Jensen watches as a confused look falls over Sandy’s face and she glances at Jared, then Chad, before her eyes look back to Jensen, like she’s not really sure what just happened.

 

Chad just rolls his eyes. “Whatever, asshole.”

 

Sandy giggles and slips her arm through Jared’s, like she didn’t just get to at least third base with Chad in the back of someone’s car. “Come on, Jay; let’s just go back to the dance.”

 

“Didn’t you hear Principal Morgan?” Jared asks, pulling his arm away from her. “Dance is over for me. I’m going home.”

 

Sandy laughs. “Don’t be so ridiculous! You’re the Homecoming King.”

 

Jared looks at Jensen and shakes his head sadly. “Not sure I deserve that crown.”

 

It’s the most honest thing Jensen’s ever heard him say.

 

///

 

The drive home, to Jensen’s house, is painfully silent, the girls in the backseat while Jensen rides shotgun. Genevieve is wearing Jensen’s jacket, and he’s grateful that at least one thing went the way it was supposed to tonight.

 

The girls hover around him as he makes his way to the house, but he’s not feeling as bad as he thought he would – sore and bruised and humiliated, yes, but at least he’s moving under his own steam.

 

When Jensen gets the front door open, batting away Danneel’s hands as she tries to help, his eyes land on his mother, standing in the hallway. She’s wearing her robe, pajamas peeking out the bottom, and she has a glass of water in her hand. With a frown, Jensen looks at the clock next to the front door and sees that it’s not even midnight yet.

 

Yeah, he really had a fucking awesome night.

 

“Oh, my God!” Donna exclaims. “Jensen, what the hell happened to you?”

 

“Nothing,” Jensen grumbles as he makes his way to the living room and collapses on the couch.

 

“Did you get into a fight?” his mother asks as she, Steve and Danneel follow him.

 

Jensen laughs. “No, that would imply that I was a willing participant in this.”

 

“Someone beat you up?”

 

“Jared,” Danneel says simply and Jensen groans, sinking back into the couch cushions.

 

“Chad, actually,” Jensen corrects. He lied to the principal, but keeping the truth from his friends and his mother is not something Jensen is capable of.

 

Genevieve comes in from the kitchen carrying the First Aid box she retrieved and starts cleaning up Jensen’s face, glaring at him every time he flinches away from her.

 

Donna glances between all four of them when no one offers anything more to Danneel’s explanation. “Who is Jared and Chad?”

 

Danneel gawps. “You didn’t tell her?!”

 

“Why the hell would I tell my mother something like that? I’m seventeen years old; I’m not a Goddamn child. I can take care of myself.”

 

“Clearly!” Danneel snorts, waving a hand at him.

 

“Will at least one of you please tell me what’s going on?” Jensen’s mom asks before he and Danneel can start bickering.

 

“Not everyone at school is happy with Jensen’s life choices,” Steve says softly. “Chad’s been giving Jensen shit for years. Jared’s just this transfer kid who decided to join in.”

 

Jensen sighs. It sounds really pathetic when it’s laid out like that.

 

Donna frowns. “Why? What does anyone have against Jensen?”

 

“It’s because he’s gay,” Danneel says impatiently, like she just wants to get to the point. “Chad apparently takes it as a personal insult that Jensen’s gay and has decided that everyone else should hate Jensen, too.”

 

Donna turns to Jensen with wide eyes. “You’re gay?!”

 

Jensen watches as all the color drains from Danneel’s face. It’s fascinating, really, and he regrets allowing Genevieve to carry his cameras, because now he doesn’t know where they are and he really would like to capture the expression on the red head’s face, so that he can look back and laugh.

 

“What?” Danneel’s voice sounds panicked. “No, I didn’t – I mean, I don’t…” she trails off, looking vaguely ill.

 

Donna lasts another five seconds before she starts giggling, her green eyes shining bright.

 

“I know he’s gay, Danni,” she says smoothly. “I just figured we all needed to calm down a little.”

 

“I told her when I was twelve, Dan. You were there.”

 

“Oh.” Danneel glares at Donna. “Not funny.”

 

“Anyway, back to this…what is it? Bullying?” Donna says and Jensen sighs again.

 

“It’s never been this bad before,” Steve tells her. “I guess they’ve just been building up to this.”

 

“Yeah,” Danneel agrees. “It’s usually just name calling and glares across the hallway. It never got physical until yesterday.”

 

Jensen shifts in his seat, suddenly uncomfortable. “That wasn’t Jared.”

 

“What happened yesterday?” his mom asks.

 

“Chad shoved Jensen into a locker. He split his lip.”

 

“Yeah, and Jared stopped him from taking it further,” Jensen reminds her, but it’s like she’s not even listening anymore. The four of them are exchanging serious looks like Jensen isn’t even in the room, like his opinion doesn’t matter.

 

“If it’s escalating to actual, physical violence, we should think about going to the police,” Genevieve says calmly. “I mean, this is discrimination or something, a hate crime, right? There are laws against this.”

 

“This is Texas, Gen,” Steve tells her. “I’m not sure those laws exist here.”

 

“Well, then, they should! This is abuse; we can’t let these bastards get away with this.”

 

“Gen, the police don’t care about a couple of high school kids fighting,” Jensen tries. “They aren’t going to give me the time of day if I go to them with something like this.”

 

“Jensen, you can’t let Jared and Chad get away with this! I don’t understand why you’re not more upset about this.”

 

“I’m upset, Gen, of course I’m upset. But I just don’t think running to the cops is going to do any good. Nothing I do or say will make Chad stop what he’s doing and Jared just goes along with whatever Chad says.” Jensen takes a deep breath. He can’t help but feel that there’s more to Jared’s behavior than just the fact that he hates gay people. The kiss in the darkroom proves that. But getting Jared to open up and admit his problems will be difficult, if not downright impossible.

 

“Well, we have to do something,” Genevieve says, roughly putting a Band-Aid over the cut on Jensen’s eyebrow.

 

Jensen rolls his eyes. “Gen.”

 

“Don’t ‘Gen’ me, Jen.” She pauses. Cringes. “That sounded weird.”

 

Steve narrows his eyes at Jensen. “What aren’t you telling us?”

 

Jensen looks at each of them in turn, but he knows that he can’t hide the guilty look on his face. The people in this room are the most important people in his life, and he can’t lie to them, even if he wanted to.

 

Danneel is frowning at him. “Is there something you’re not telling us, Jensen?” She sounds sad, like she’s upset that there’s something Jensen is keeping from her. She gasps. “Is this why you were so spaced out in English yesterday? I knew something happened! Why didn’t you tell me?!”

 

“Because I knew how you’d all react,” Jensen says harshly. “I knew you’d do something stupid and I needed to figure out what it meant before I decided to deal with it.”

 

“What did he do to you?” Genevieve sounds angry.

 

Jensen closes his eyes against their expectant stares, focusing on his breathing for a few seconds, calming himself before he speaks.

 

“He kissed me.”

 

There’s silence, everyone is staring at him with shocked expressions on their faces, and then his mom gets up from where she’s been sitting next to him.

 

“I’m going to need some alcohol if I’m going to be having a conversation about my son kissing other boys.”

 

No one says anything as she leaves the room and comes back a few minutes later with a bottle of vodka and five glasses.

 

The four friends stare at her in awe as she pours the vodka into the glasses and hands them one each.

 

“None of you tell your parents,” she warns as she raises the glass to her lips. “That includes you, Jensen.”

 

Jensen nods. “Yes, ma’am.” He swallows the drink in one go, wincing at the burn.

 

“Alright, what do you mean by ‘he kissed you’?”

 

Jensen narrows his eyes at Genevieve. “Would you like me to draw you a diagram? He kissed me; I would think that should be explanation enough.”

 

Steve waves a hand in the air. “I really doubt he just came up to you and kissed you.” He reaches for the bottle of vodka and Donna slaps his hand away.

 

Jensen frowns. “Actually, that’s sort of exactly what happened.”

 

Danneel huffs in exasperation. “Alright, Jensen, tell the story in a way that makes sense.”

 

“Yes, Jensen, I taught you how to communicate better than this,” Donna agrees. “When did this happen?”

 

“Yesterday. I was in the darkroom and he came into the room. He said he wanted to talk, but I wasn’t really in a chatty mood, so I basically told him to get lost. Then he made some stupid comment about me being a dick or something, and while I was being all indignant over the hypocrisy of that statement, he kissed me.” Jensen knows there’s more to the story than that, a lot more, but he figures those are the major plot points and he can get away with not telling anyone about how he sort of maybe wanted to kiss Jared back. A little.

 

“What did you do?” Steve asks.

 

“I was too shocked; I just sort of stood there.” At least that part was true. “Then my brain came back online and I pushed him away and he looked-”

 

“Disgusted with himself?” Danneel interrupts to suggest with a sneer and Jensen shakes his head.

 

“Scared. He looked scared, terrified even.”

 

“Scared of what?” Genevieve asks, her nose wrinkled in adorable confusion.

 

Danneel looks as equally confused, but as Jensen looks at Steve, he sees that the other boy gets it, sees it in the sad resignation on his friend’s face. “He’s scared of someone finding out his secret.”

 

Jensen nods, but Donna speaks before he can.

 

“Jared’s gay.”

 

Jensen sighs and nods again. “Yeah, I think so.”

 

Donna’s hand flies to her mouth. “Oh, that poor boy.”

 

Genevieve waves her hands in the air. “Wait, I don’t get it. Jared’s gay? If he’s gay, then what the hell is his problem? Why is he treating you like this?”

 

“This is Texas,” Steve repeats to her. “Some people aren’t all that accepting of the gay lifestyle.”

 

“Think about it, Gen,” Jensen says carefully. “I was lucky with my parents.” He smiles warmly at his mom. “They don’t care that I’m gay, they just want me to be happy. But what if Jared’s family isn’t like that? What if he grew up with some hick for a dad who’d rather have a dead son than a gay son?”

 

Danneel gasps and Genevieve looks a little ill at the thought and Jensen hates that he has put thoughts like this in their heads.

 

“He might have had to listen to his mom or dad go on and on about how gay people are an abomination, and now, suddenly, he finds out that he’s gay, and he doesn’t know what to do, so he’s repressing, and taking out his confused emotions on the only other gay guy he knows.”

 

“Who, apparently, he also has a huge crush on,” Steve says calmly. Jensen stares at him, eyes wide, and he shrugs. “Hey, I’m just saying. There has to be a reason why he kissed you.”

 

“Steve’s right, honey,” his mom says kindly. “I think this boy likes you, he just doesn’t know what to do about it.”

 

Jensen groans. “I really didn’t want to think about that.”

 

“What happened tonight?” Danneel asks, distracting them for the moment.

 

Jensen shrugs. “I went outside to clear my head. Chad and Sandy were in the parking lot. Chad said some stuff, I don’t even know what, and the next thing I know, he’s kicking the ever living shit out of me.”

 

“And Jared?” Danneel asks.

 

Jensen lets out a breathy, humorless laugh. “He came outta nowhere, tackled Chad and pulled him off of me.”

 

Genevieve shakes her head. “Chad was between you and Jared, keeping Jared back, I saw him.”

 

“He was covering his own ass, Gen.”

 

Genevieve growls low in her throat. “God, I hate this! Why does it have to be like this, huh? Why did Jared have to be friends with Chad and his dicks? Why couldn’t he just keep his head down and keep his damn mouth shut? Everything would have been fine.” She winces. “Well, it wouldn’t have been worse than it used to be.”

 

Jensen smiles sadly. “Fear is a funny thing, Gen.”

 

They settle into silence after that, each of them digesting what they’ve learned – or at least, what they think they’ve learned, and Jensen suddenly wishes he’d kept the whole thing to himself. Everyone seems kinda depressed now and he can’t help but blame himself.

 

“You guys should stay here,” Donna says suddenly, reaching out to gather the now empty glasses and the bottle of alcohol. “Y’all are too upset to be driving home at this hour.”

 

Jensen knows that Steve would be the only one driving, and the Californian native was far to laid back to ever let something fuck him up enough so that he would be unable to drive. Short of losing Danneel, Jensen can’t imagine anything getting to Steve so much that his Zen-like state would be shattered.

 

“Are you sure?” Genevieve asks from where she’s curled into the back of the couch, her dress pulled down to cover her bare feet.

 

Jensen’s mom nods. “You girls can sleep in Josh’s room and Steve can share with Jensen.” Danneel pouts and Donna laughs. “I’m laid back, Danneel, but I am not horizontal. I’ll find you something to sleep in, girls, and then I’ll call your parents.”

 

///

 

An hour later, Jensen is lying in his bed, staring at the ceiling. He’s pretty sure that Steve isn’t sleeping either, and he’s pathetically grateful that Steve didn’t kick up a fuss at having to share Jensen’s bed with him. Not many straight guys would be okay about sharing a bed with a gay guy, and Jensen puts Steve’s lack of concern down to that Zen-thing.

 

“Do you like him?” Steve asks after another few minutes of silence, and Jensen doesn’t bother to insult Steve’s intelligence by asking who he’s talking about.

 

“I don’t know him,” he says quietly. “I don’t know anything about him, how could I know if I like him or not?”

 

“You think he’s hot,” Steve pushes. “You agreed with Gen on his first day.”

 

“I didn’t agree with her,” Jensen argues.

 

“You didn’t disagree, which for you, means that you agree.”

 

“I think a lot of people are hot, doesn’t mean I want to date them all,” Jensen retorts.

 

Steve rolls onto his side, until he’s facing Jensen. “Do you think I’m hot?”

 

Jensen makes a face, slightly queasy at the suggestion. “Dude, that’s like thinking my brother’s hot. Don’t be so gross.” He shoves Steve, making him back off a little.

 

Steve chuckles. “Alright, fine, but seriously, you think Jared’s hot; do you think you could like him?”

 

Jensen looks back towards the ceiling, chewing on his lower lip as he considers the question.

 

“Jen?” Steve prods after he’s apparently been quiet for too long.

 

“I think he could really hurt me,” he whispers, like, if he can keep his voice down, the conversation won’t exist in the morning.

 

“What do you mean by that?” Steve’s voice is just as quiet now, and Jensen’s a little glad the girls aren’t here to make everything loud.

 

“I won’t be anyone’s dirty little secret, Steve. Whatever’s going on with Jared, if he’s gay and just not out, he obviously wants to stay that way, and if anything were to happen between us, I can pretty much guarantee he won’t be shouting it from the rooftops.”

 

He can sense Steve nodding in the darkness and he swallows against the sudden lump in his throat.

 

“We don’t really know what’s going on with him, though, Jen,” Steve reminds him. “That might not be what his problem is. Don’t you think it’s worth finding out?”

 

Jensen snorts. “Why? So that I can get my heart broken a few months down the line when something happens that threatens to expose us? No, thanks.”

 

“So, you don’t think he’s worth it?”

 

“He’s pretty to look at, but no matter what way you swing it, he’s got a pretty fucked up attitude, and an even shittier home life. I just can’t get past everything he’s done to me.”

 

“He hasn’t done anything, though, Jensen,” Steve points out quietly. “He laughed at Chad’s comment to you in the cafeteria that first day, but other than that, what has he done?”

 

Jensen can’t believe he never noticed that before. With all the shit that’s been going on the last few months, Jensen never realized that Jared was never actually part of it. He was always there, watching on the sidelines, but he was never an active participant to all the comments that were thrown his way, except that one morning in the hallway. Everything else, he was just spectating.

 

Still, while Jared might not have actually said or done anything to Jensen himself, it wasn’t like he’d gone out of his way to stop Chad and the others, either.

 

“Nothing,” Jensen whispers. “He stood by and did nothing while Chad made my life as miserable as fucking possible.”

 

“I’m sorry, Jen.” Jensen can hear the honesty in Steve’s voice, and tears gather at the corners of his eyes when he notices that Steve isn’t arguing, he just nods in agreement, and lies back down on his pillow and Jensen sighs and rolls on his side, his back to his friend.

 

He never thought his senior year would be such a fucking disaster.

 

///

 

First thing Monday morning finds Jensen sitting in the principal’s office. Jared’s slouched in a chair next to him, looking completely miserable and Jensen does his best to ignore him while Principal Morgan finishes writing whatever it is he’s writing. Jensen’s convinced that he’s just trying to make them squirm.

 

Finally, he puts his pen down and folds his hands on top of the blotter. Jensen just about resists the urge to roll his eyes.

 

“So, does either one of you want to tell me what that fight was about?”

 

Jensen shrugs and turns away. “I wasn’t the one fighting, sir.”

 

Principal Morgan makes a noise that sounds like a polite scoff. “I saw you, Jensen. You were involved.”

 

“Involved, yes, but I wasn’t fighting. I was lying on the ground getting my ass kicked. There is a difference, sir.”

 

Morgan stares at him for a few seconds before he turns to Jared. “Mr. Padalecki? Would you care to elaborate on that?”

 

Jared shifts in his chair, clearly uncomfortable, and Jensen takes a little pleasure in the fact he’s apparently ashamed of his actions. Chad’s actions. Whatever.

 

“I went outside at Homecoming,” the taller boy says quietly, “I saw Jensen…he was on the ground…” he trails off and Jensen glances at him out of the corner of his eye, taking in the deep blush staining Jared’s face.

 

Morgan is frowning. “So you…what? You hit him?”

 

Jared winces and Jensen’s touches the cut at his eyebrow, hissing at the little flare of pain.

 

“I don’t understand.” The principal looks back down at whatever notes or letters are sitting on his desk, like he’ll find the answers there. “There’s been no reports of either of you fighting before.”

 

“Yeah,” Jensen agrees, “because I know how to keep my mouth shut.”

 

“Explain,” the principal demands.

 

Jensen can’t help the laugh that bubbles past his lips. “I’m not exactly popular with the students at this school, sir.”

 

Morgan narrows his eyes at both of them. “And why is that?”

 

“Because I’m gay,” Jensen says simply. He shrugs when Jared flinches and Morgan raises his eyebrows. “The student body at this school is not exactly tolerant of my sexuality. It’s a point of contention.”

 

Morgan whips his head around to glare at Jared. “Mr. Padalecki? Is this true?”

 

Jared turns to look at Jensen, and there’s something in his eyes that Jensen can’t decipher. Guilt, maybe, or shame, but Jensen doesn’t really have it in him to feel sorry for the guy, especially considering the bruises on his ribs from Chad’s kicks are throbbing painfully.

 

Jared doesn’t answer, but apparently his silence is answer enough and Morgan slams his hand down on the desk.

 

“I will not tolerate sexual discrimination at this school, Mr. Padalecki.”

 

“To be fair, Principal Morgan, Jared’s not the only one guilty of that crime and he wasn’t the one who beat me up.” Jensen blinks. He’s not really sure why he said that, why he felt the need to defend Jared. After all, wasn’t he the one who decided he didn’t care what happened to Jared?

 

“And who else is involved in this bullying?”

 

Still, Jensen doesn’t really feel like ratting anyone out. “For my own safety, sir, I’d rather not say.”

 

“Chad Murray,” Jared says quickly.

 

“Jared, just shut your Goddamn mouth!” Jensen snaps.

 

Jared glares at him. “Why? He was the one who caused all of those bruises!”

 

“You think I don’t know that? I know Chad was the one who wailed on me, I was there, but that doesn’t mean I want to rat him out to the principal! You think the last few months have been bad for me? What do you think’s gonna happen when people find out that Chad got in trouble because I told the principal?”

 

Jared frowns. “Nothing would happen.”

 

Jensen laughs. “Oh, don’t be so naïve, Jared. You might be new here, but even you can see that Chad thinks he runs this school, and he can get the popular kids to do or say whatever the hell he likes.”

 

Jared slumps down further in his chair and chews on his thumbnail. “I didn’t mean for this to happen.”

 

“I know, but you’ll forgive me if I don’t have much sympathy for you. You brought this on yourself when you sat next to Chad that first day in the cafeteria.”

 

“I know.”

 

Principal Morgan clears his throat. Honestly, Jensen sort of forgot he was there. “Chad Murray was involved in this?”

 

Jensen sighs and closes his eyes for a second. “Sir, please, I’d really rather you left Chad out of this. I don’t want to end up in the hospital.”

 

Morgan studies both of them, like he’s trying to find something. Finally he sighs and sits back in his chair. “I get the feeling that there’s more going on here than either of you are telling me.”

 

Jensen has to physically stop himself from looking at Jared, from proving the principal right.

 

“So, here’s the deal,” Morgan leans forward again and picks up a pen. “The two of you will have detention, every day after school for the entire week. If, at the end of this week, you’ve failed to work out whatever differences you have, you’ll have Saturday detention as well. And we will continue this pattern until you do work it out. Are we clear?”

 

“Yes, sir,” Jared nods.

 

“We’re clear,” Jensen says through gritted teeth. The whole thing is more than unfair. He knows what Jared’s issues are, but discussing them with Jared will not make Jensen like him any better, or understand why he did what he did.

 

“Alright, then. You will go straight to Ms. Smith’s English classroom as soon as the bell rings. I’ll let her know to expect you.” He hands both of them a tardy slip and Jensen gets to his feet, slinging his backpack over one shoulder.

 

“Jensen,” Jared calls as soon as the door to the office has closed behind them.

 

Jensen just shakes his head. “Don’t, Jared. Just…don’t.”

 

Chapter 3

 

Jared’s already sitting in the classroom when Jensen arrives more than a few minutes late. Ms. Smith raises an eyebrow at him.

 

“Uh, sorry,” he stammers, “I had to drop my photos off to the yearbook staff.”

 

“This is detention, Jensen,” she scolds gently. “I was just about to inform Principal Morgan that you’d failed to turn up.”

 

Jensen can’t help the blush that crawls up his face. “I’m sorry, won’t happen again.”

 

“See that it doesn’t.”

 

Ducking his head, Jensen heads for his normal seat in the back corner of the room. Jared’s situated on the other side of the room, already hunched over his desk as he furiously scribbles away at something.

 

Principal Morgan had told them to sort out their differences, but it doesn’t look like Jared has any intention of doing anything like that, so engrossed in whatever he’s doing, so Jensen pulls out his English notes and starts on the assignment he has due next week.

 

“Alright, boys, have fun.”

 

Jensen looks up to see Ms. Smith pulling on her jacket and picking up her purse and briefcase. “Um, Ms. Smith?” It’s more than a little unprecedented for students to be left alone while they’re in detention.

 

Ms. Smith smiles. “I have been instructed that you are to be left alone during your time in detention, boys. Sent from on high. See you tomorrow.”

 

Jensen blinks and watches as she leaves the room, pulling the door closed behind her. He glances over to Jared, who looks just as confused as Jensen feels. He tries to smile at Jensen and Jensen turns his head away quickly, back to the notes in front of him.

 

There is nothing but silence between them, and the two hours crawl by.

 

Jensen gets bored with his assignment after less than thirty minutes and shoves it to the side, pulling out the graphic novel he’s been reading instead.

 

He gets lost in The Runaways, already trying to think of ways to get Danneel or Steve to take him to the store to get the next editions. Sometimes, not having a car really sucks.

 

Jared hasn’t paused in whatever it is he’s doing, not even sparing Jensen a glance. Not that Jensen wants Jared to be glancing at him, but still, acknowledging his existence would be nice. Even though Jensen’s pretty much guilty of the same thing. He’s not going to dwell on that, though.

 

Jensen starts a little when the door opens and he looks up to see Principal Morgan standing in the door, a disapproving frown on his face.

 

“Well, I see you two spent your time well,” he says, sarcasm dripping from his words.

 

Jensen can feel himself blush, and when he chances a look at Jared, the taller boy is looking just as embarrassed.

 

Morgan shakes his head. “Time’s up. I’ll see you tomorrow.”

 

He turns on his heel and leaves and Jared jumps to his feet.

 

Jensen watches with vague amusement as Jared shoves everything into his backpack, his movements rushed and fumbled, like he can’t bear another second in the same room as Jensen Ackles. He doesn’t even look at Jensen as he practically runs from the room, and Jensen just watches him go. He notices a piece of paper fluttering out of Jared’s open backpack that he’s forgotten to zipper closed, but Jensen doesn’t call out to him.

 

He takes his time packing up; finishing the page he’s been reading and carefully slipping a page from his notebook to mark his place before he puts the graphic novel in his bag along with his notebook and his English notes.

 

Jensen stares at the piece of white paper on the floor as he pulls on his jacket. Part of him thinks it could be important; something for one of Jared’s classes, but another part of him doesn’t care. He wants to leave whatever it is lying on the floor for the janitor to throw in the trash. It’s nothing more than Jared deserves if it is something important.

 

Jensen actually stands next to the page, looking down at it, for a whole two minutes before he bends down to pick it up. He knows where Jared’s locker is – through no fault of his own – and if it turns out the page is something Jared needs, Jensen figures he can slip it through the vents or something.

 

When Jensen unfolds the piece of paper, it’s like he forgets how to breathe.

 

The drawing on the page is sharp and detailed, perfectly rendered, like he’s looking at a photograph, and Jensen thinks he should probably be impressed at Jared’s obvious talent, but he can’t seem to get his mind past the fact that the drawing is of him.

 

Jensen stares at the pencil drawing of himself and tries to take it in. It seems that Jared has drawn it from memory, because Jensen’s wearing different clothes in the drawing than he is now and that should just make it even more impressive.

 

But still, Jensen doesn’t have the brain cells left over for that.

 

Carefully, he folds the paper and slips it between the pages of the graphic novel in his backpack and leaves the classroom.

 

Jensen walks home in a daze, the drawing burned onto the insides of his eyelids, so that he sees it every time he blinks. He sort of wants to curse and scream, because, seriously, this is some messed up shit. The guy who has been part of the group who’s been harassing him for God knows how long is…what? Jensen doesn’t even have the words for it.

 

Is Jared in love with him?

 

The fact that his mom and Steve already think that Jared has a crush on him is bad enough, but this just seems to prove them right.

 

Jensen doesn’t know what the hell is going on. He doesn’t even know what to think.

 

When he walks into the kitchen of his house, after kicking off his shoes in the front hall and removing the object of his slight mental breakdown from his bag, Jensen finds his mom standing at the island peeling potatoes, while his little sister, Mackenzie, sits at the table doing her homework.

 

One look at her son and Donna sets down the potato peeler and wipes her hand on a cloth.

 

“Mac, can you please go upstairs and finish that?”

 

Mackenzie looks up sharply. “But, Mom, you said you’d help me with my Math.”

 

Donna smiles. “And I will, after dinner. Go on, now, don’t make me ask again.”

 

Jensen just watches from the middle of the kitchen as Mackenzie packs away her school things and leaves the room. She stomps her way up the stairs, full of teenage strop, and Jensen is scared of what she’ll be like when she’s actually a teenager.

 

His mom sighs. “Alright, what happened?”

 

Without speaking, Jensen hands her the piece of paper he’s holding so tightly he’d worry about ruining it, if he was capable of thinking about anything other than the fact that Jared drew a picture of him.

 

His mom gasps as she looks at the sketch. “Oh, my goodness, Jensen. This is beautiful. Who did this?”

 

“Jared,” he says carefully, speaking for the first time in what feels like hours, and then he realizes that it has been hours. He hasn’t spoken a word since Ms. Smith left her classroom at the start of detention.

 

She blinks at him. “The boy…the boy who’s been harassing you?”

 

Jensen nods. “In detention today. I think. Or maybe he was just adding finishing touches, I don’t know. How long does it take to draw something like that?”

 

“I really doubt he managed to do this in two hours, Jensen,” she tells him with a chuckle, her eyes still glued to the drawing.

 

Jensen sits in the chair that Mackenzie just vacated and slams his head down onto the table. “Ow,” he mutters pathetically and without much heat.

 

“Jensen, you have to talk to this boy. Maybe you could help him?”

 

Jensen shakes his head. “Mom, he hates me, and if he doesn’t, he wants everyone to at least think that he does. He’s not going to talk to me.”

 

“Don’t you think you’d be able to help him?” Donna suggests. “He’s hurting, Jensen. Whatever he’s going through, it’s hurting him badly and you are the only person he has to turn to.”

 

He snorts. “Oh, yeah, like he wants my help, that’s why he’s done nothing but sneer at me for the last two months.” He stands up. “If he wanted to talk to me, if he’s really going through some gay crisis or something, then he could have come to me. I would have been there for him. But instead, he chose to look down on me, to think he’s better than me. I can’t get past that, Mom. I just can’t.”

 

“What if it had been you?” his mom argues. “What if you didn’t have Danneel and Genevieve, or Misha, or such understanding parents like me and your father, what would you have done?”

 

Jensen shrugs and lets out a sarcastic laugh. “Killed myself a long time ago, probably.” He stops, just freezes as all the blood runs cold in his veins. “Oh, God.” How many teens out there had committed suicide because they were ashamed of their sexuality? Or because their parents wouldn’t accept them? Left to suffer on his own for much longer, Jensen wonders if Jared could end up the same way.

 

“Maybe you should try, Honey. Before it’s too late?”

 

///

 

“So, how was detention?” Steve asks as he and the girls drop down at the table Jensen has snagged them for lunch. Usually, he doesn’t like being the first one in the cafeteria, left alone at the table until his friends arrive, but on Tuesdays it’s unavoidable as Danneel, Steve and Genevieve all have French on the opposite side of the school while Jensen takes Spanish.

 

“Yeah,” Genevieve agrees as she pulls out her brown paper lunch sack, “you said you’d call us as soon as you got home and let us know what happened. Is everything okay?”

 

Jensen scratches at his forehead. “Yeah, everything’s fine. I just had some…” he sighs. “I talked to my mom about some stuff when I got home and it just left me a little rattled. Didn’t feel much like talking after that.”

 

He can almost hear Danneel frown from where he’s staring at the disgusting heap of pasta on his tray. “Is everything okay?”

 

Jensen tries for a smile. “Yeah, everything’s fine. Let’s just say I got a little bit of a wakeup call, that’s all.”

 

“Is this about You-Know-Who?” Steve asks as he nods his head subtly in the direction of Jared, sitting at his usual table, surrounded by Chad and the rest of the football-heads, but he doesn’t seem to be as involved with the conversation as he usually does, sitting at the very edge of the table. Like he’s trying to get as far as from them as possible.

 

Jensen nods. “Um, yeah, sort of. In a roundabout kinda way, I guess.”

 

Danneel blinks. “That was really illuminating, Jensen. Totally made sense.”

 

Jensen picks up one of Genevieve’s grapes and throws it at Danneel’s head. He’s not surprised when Steve reaches out and snatches the fruit out of the air and pops it into his mouth.

 

He sighs again. “Look, it’s just something I need to deal with.”

 

“Can’t we do something to help?” Genevieve asks.

 

“It’s kinda something I have to deal with on my own. None of you are gay, so you kinda don’t understand.”

 

Steve nods, like he understands. “You’re gonna talk to Jared, try to get him to open up to you.”

 

“I’m gonna try, anyway.”

 

Danneel waves her hands in the air. “No, wait, I don’t get it. Why can’t we help you with this? Just because we’re straight doesn’t mean we don’t get it. I mean, I was there for you when you wanted to tell your parents.”

 

“Yeah, and you were great,” Jensen is quick to assure her, “but you still don’t get it. You can support me and comfort me until the cows come home. And then you can comfort the cows, too. But not one of you will know the fear and second-guessing a gay person goes through when they decide to tell their parents or anyone. I knew that my parents would probably be okay with the fact that I was gay, but if what we’re thinking is true, if Jared parents really are so disgusted by gay people, then he might actually be scared for his life.”

 

Danneel laughs, but it sounds forced, almost like it’s hurting her to get it out. “Oh, come on, Jensen. He’s parents aren’t actually going to kill him just because he likes dick. That’s ridiculous.”

 

“It’s not exactly uncommon,” Steve tells her softly. “Especially in Texas.”

 

Genevieve lowers her eyes, staring down at her lunch as tears form in Danneel’s. She spins in her seat, turning to look at Jared sitting at a table behind her.

 

Lunch is quiet after that.

 

///

 

Jensen’s leg bounces nervously as he sits in his usual seat at the back of Ms. Smith’s English room. Jared’s sitting in the seat he had occupied yesterday, but instead of scribbling furiously as he had before, he’s reading from an art textbook, and Jensen wonders for a while of that’s what Jared is planning to major in when he gets to college, some form of art.

 

But then his mind drifts back to the piece of paper that’s sitting on top of his desk and Jensen can’t really think about anything else.

 

Just after lunch, Jensen had passed by Jared’s locker on the way to his algebra class, and watched in perverse fascination as Jared hunted frantically through his locker and his bag, obviously looking for something important.

 

It was clear to Jensen that Jared was looking for his drawing, and he was tempted to just hand it over right then. But standing in the middle of the hallway, surrounded by dozens of other students, was probably not such a wise move, especially considering Jensen had spotted Chad at the other end of the hall, chatting up Sophia again.

 

So Jensen had ducked his head and walked on by. Jared didn’t even notice him.

 

But sitting in detention, on opposite sides of the room, Jensen still hasn’t found the balls to return the drawing to its creator and he’s running out of time. He’s been sitting in his seat, pretending to read, for the last hour and fifty minutes. Any moment now, Principal Morgan is going to come and tell them to go home, but not before he told them both to come back tomorrow because they still hadn’t done what he’d asked them to do. Jensen rolls his eyes when he remembers that the drawing was supposed to help with that.

 

Jensen’d had a plan when he’d gone to bed the night before. He was going to go over to Jared in detention, hand over the drawing and start up some sort of conversation based on whatever came out of Jared’s mouth when he got his drawing back.

 

And yet so far, Jensen hasn’t made a single move towards Jared and soon it’s going to be too late to do anything.

 

Something deep down inside of Jensen wants to know what Jared’s deal is, why he is the way that he is, and he wants to know if there’s anything he can do to help Jared deal with whatever it is he’s going through. It’s that thought that gets him moving, with five minutes left of detention, and with a deep breath, Jensen pushes himself out of his seat, the piece of white paper held carefully in his fingers.

 

Jared doesn’t look up when he crosses the room, nor does he look up when Jensen is standing in front of his desk. Apparently the book he’s reading is a real page turner, because it’s like Jensen isn’t even in the room.

 

When Jensen clears his throat to get Jared’s attention, the taller boy jumps, startled, like he really had forgotten Jensen was in the room with him. He sits there, blinking up at Jensen like he’s waiting for him to pull out a gun and blow him the hell away, so Jensen clears his throat again and holds out the drawing.

 

“You, um, you dropped this. Yesterday.”

 

Jared’s face turns the color of the paper in Jensen’s hands and he just stares. He looks frozen in place, the only part of his body with any movement being his eyes, as they flick back and forth between the paper and Jensen’s face. Jensen’s not even sure if the poor guy’s still breathing.

 

The door to the classroom opens and Jensen turns to see Principal Morgan standing in the hallway, leaning into the room with one hand on the doorknob. “Getting along, boys?”

 

That seems to get Jared moving again, and he bolts from his chair, grabbing his bag and almost knocking Principal Morgan off his feet in his hurry to get out of the classroom.

 

Jensen rolls his eyes when he sees Jared’s art book still sitting on his desk.

 

“Dammit,” he curses under his breath. He turns back to face the principal. “Oh, yeah, we’re getting along just fine. Great even.”

 

Morgan chuckles, the bastard. “See you tomorrow, Jensen.” He doesn’t bother closing the door as he makes his way back to wherever it is he came from.

 

Jensen sighs and rubs at his temples for a few seconds before he picks up the book and shoves it into his backpack and heads home.

 

///

 

The next morning, Jensen texts Danneel when he’s more than halfway to school and tells her he doesn’t need a ride, telling her that he has some stuff to do for photography before classes start.

 

It’s still early when he gets to the front steps, too early for anyone but the teachers to be in school yet, and Jensen quietly makes his way through the halls until he reaches Jared’s locker.

 

It’s not until he’s standing in front of the locker – Jared’s art book in one hand and the drawing in the other – that he realizes there’s a gigantic flaw in his plan.

 

The book is not going to fit through the vents in the door of the locker, and there’s no way he can guess the combination.

 

He maybe wasn’t exactly thinking clearly when he came up with this idea in bed last night.

 

With something resembling a growl, Jensen hunts through his backpack until he finds a scrap piece of paper under his biology textbook, and then grabs a pen from the front pocket. Using Jared’s book, Jensen scribbles a quick note and then folds up the paper. He sticks the drawing into the book and sets it on top of the row of lockers, just above Jared’s, and pushes the note through one of the vents.

 

Jensen has no idea if Jared’s book is for class or not, but at least now he’ll have it, just in case.

 

He walks off towards the photography lab, chewing on his thumbnail and wondering why making sure Jared has his textbook feels like such a huge deal, and doesn’t think about the whole thing again until lunch.

 

Genevieve and Steve are arguing about something, possibly math homework, and Jensen’s pretty sure Danneel is asleep on the other side of the table, but he forgets about them pretty quick when he senses a pair of eyes on him.

 

He looks up, looks over Steve’s shoulder, and sees Jared staring back at him. He has the art book sitting on the table in front of him, his hand resting on it almost possessively.

 

Jared drums his fingers once on the cover of the book, nodding his head almost imperceptibly.

 

Jensen takes the thanks for what it is and turns back to his lunch before one of his friends ask what he’s doing.

 

///

 

When Jensen gets to detention, he has to check his watch, because Ms. Smith is already gone. He’s not late, and he’s left wondering what kind of faith the teacher and the principal have in him that they just assumed he’d show up.

 

He’s half tempted to just leave and come back ten minutes before detention is supposed to be over, but he’s not really sure what he could do in that time that he couldn’t do sitting in the classroom being ignored.

 

Speaking of being ignored, Jared isn’t sitting in his regular seat.

 

He’s standing at the window, staring out at the sports field the classroom overlooks and Jensen takes a moment to mourn the fact that he’d probably get punched in the mouth if he tried to take a photo of Jared right now.

 

The way the light’s hitting him, it would be a beautiful shot.

 

“I’m sorry,” Jared says suddenly, making Jensen pause on the way to his seat. “For, um…for the drawing.”

 

Jensen turns to look at him, but Jared’s still looking out through the window, almost like he can’t look at Jensen as he apologizes.

 

Jensen shrugs. “Hey, what you do in your own time is none of my business.”

 

“But the drawing was of you.”

 

“I have looked in a mirror lately,” Jensen retorts and Jared just nods.

 

Jensen waits for a few more seconds to see if Jared has anything more to say, but when he remains quiet, Jensen continues on to his seat, setting his bag on the desk.

 

“I was fourteen years old when I told my parents I was gay.”

 

The statement is so unexpected, so far out of left field, that Jensen stumbles, halfway between standing and sitting as he stares in amazement at Jared’s back.

 

“They were…I mean, they weren’t real happy about it,” he continues slowly, “but, they were my parents, and all they wanted was for me to be happy, to be myself and not pretend to be someone I’m not. They supported me and they didn’t hate me or disown me or try to change me. I took it as a win.”

 

Jensen blinks, it’s like he can’t do anything else, because this is so not what he was expecting. He was expecting Jared to tell him that his parents hated him or that they’d thrown him out when they found out he was gay and that was why he had to move to some backwater town for his senior year of high school.

 

Jensen’s moving before his feet get permission from his brain and he finds himself across the room, standing at the window next to Jared.

 

“Then why…I don’t understand.”

 

Jared smiles, but it’s tight and strained. “Everything sort of went back to normal for a while after that,” he says, ignoring Jensen’s comment. “Then, about a year later, I met this guy, Craig.”

 

Jensen frowns, because, really, where the hell is Jared going with this story?

 

“He was older than me,” he goes on, “like, a lot older, but I thought I was so cool, you know? This guy, this amazing, gorgeous, funny guy, wanted to hang out with me, some geeky little freshman.”

 

Jensen has to cough to cover a laugh, because he can’t really imagine Jared as a ‘geeky little freshman’. The guy’s a fucking redwood.

 

“It was pretty innocent at first. Craig would take me to the movies, or bowling, or to play miniature golf. He took me to a college football game once, and I thought it was the greatest thing ever. But then, after about three months, he took me to his house.” Jared frowns, like the story is too painful for him to talk about, and Jensen wants to speak up, to tell him to just stop talking, but it’s like the words get stuck in his throat and Jared just soldiers on.

 

“We’d never gone there before. He lived clear across the other side of the city, but, you know, I didn’t wanna seem like some scared little kid who needed his mama, so I just sat on the couch, smiled when he asked me if I wanted to watch a movie and accepted the bottle of beer he pressed into my hands.”

 

Jensen frowns. There’s something low and uncomfortable churning in his gut, like he knows, somewhere in the back of his mind, where this story is going, but his subconscious is refusing to let him see it.

 

“I don’t know how many beers he gave me, I don’t even remember what fucking movie we were supposed to be watching,” Jared says softly, dragging his fingers through his hair. “I do know that there was tequila in there somewhere. Or maybe it was vodka, something in a shot glass anyway. Craig was pretty much kissing me since the moment I sat down on the couch. We hadn’t done much before then, just a few chaste kisses, nothing more, but this felt different, and I wanted to tell him to stop, but…Christ, I was fifteen years old and it was the first time I’d ever been given alcohol. I didn’t want to tell him to stop. I didn’t want him to realize that I really was just some kid.”

 

“Oh, God,” Jensen whispers, the picture starting to take shape in his mind. He shakes his head, like that’ll stop Jared’s story, but Jared just nods.

 

“I tried to stop him, but I’d had too much to drink so I couldn’t and he forced his…” he shakes his head, like he can’t say the word and Jensen can’t really blame him, “into my mouth. I just…let go, tried to pretend I was somewhere else. It must have worked, or maybe I blacked out from the alcohol, because the next thing I remember is Craig helping me up my driveway and my mom standing at the front door, looking worried. I never told her or my dad about Craig, he was so much older, they never would have understood, so he just said he worked for some fast food restaurant me and my friends used to hang out at, and when he noticed I was sick, he offered to give me a ride home. I never corrected him.”

 

Jensen just…looks at Jared. He can’t really find it within himself to do anything else. He wants to reach out and touch him, hold him, but he has a feeling that won’t be welcome.

 

“Craig called me about a week later,” Jared says, just as Jensen thought he was finished. “He wanted to…” he trails off with a choked laugh. “He called it a party, said he wanted to have another party, because I was so good. Only this time…” He shakes his head.

 

“This time?” Jensen prompts, even though he’s really sure he doesn’t want to know the end of the sentence.

 

“This time, he had some friends he wanted to come. Friends I’d like, he said. He said…he said that this is what gay men did, that it was how they had fun. I couldn’t…I didn’t want to-to be like that.”

 

Jensen’s notices his hands are shaking when he scrubs at his face, Jared’s words weighing on him like they’d manifested into something real. “Jesus,” he breathes, “so that’s why…that’s why you hated me so much?”

 

Jared shrugs, but doesn’t answer.

 

“Fuck, Jared, you can’t do that! You can’t just think that all gay guys are like that Craig bastard.”

 

“I didn’t wanna be like that,” Jared says, again, as if Jensen never spoke. “If that’s what it meant to be gay, I wanted nothing to do with it. I started dating girls, fucking whoever would open their legs for me, but that’s not what I wanted. I was still gay, even though I didn’t wanna be, and all those pretty girls; they just weren’t what I wanted. So I started drinking, using drugs. If I was out of it enough, I could just pretend.”

 

He turns to pace the room and Jensen just watches him from where he’s been standing during Jared’s whole revelation, ‘cause that last part doesn’t really make much sense.

 

“My parents were so confused; they didn’t understand why I was doing that, why I was so far out of control. And I know, deep down, that sleeping around and getting off my face wasn’t the best way to deal with what happened. My parents, they tried to help me turn my life back around, but I just couldn’t tell them what was going on with me. I didn’t want them to hate me, like I knew they would. The car was the last resort, I guess. I think they figured, if they bought me something so expensive, that it would guilt me into behaving again.”

 

“Well, since you’re here, I imagine it didn’t work?” Jensen says, one eyebrow cocked.

 

“I flashed the cheerleading squad when I was drunk. Got expelled.” He shrugs again. “I already had a reputation by then, so my parents thought it would be best to get me outta the city. ‘S why we ended up here.”

 

Jensen scratches his head. “Alright, I get all that, I think. But, Jared, why didn’t you just go to the cops?”

 

Jared turns to look at him, a bemused expression on his face. “Why would I do that?”

 

“Because of what that bastard did to you.” Jensen says loudly. “What he tried to get you to do with those other men.”

 

“What he did?” Jared repeats. “He didn’t really do anything, it was just sex.”

 

“Jared, he raped you!” Jensen doesn’t mean to say it so harshly, but the words just spill from his lips like they have a mind of their own, and he can only watch in horrified fascination as Jared takes a stumbling step back, away from him.

 

The laugh Jared lets out sounds almost like it hurts. “N-no. Don’t be stupid. That wasn’t rape, guys can’t be…” he cuts himself off before he finishes the thought and Jensen has to hit him.

 

“Of course guys can be raped, Jared! I can’t believe you’d be naïve enough to think that!”

 

“It wasn’t rape!”

 

“Jay, what’s the definition of rape?”

 

“Sex without consent,” Jared says quickly, like the statement is there on the tip of his tongue.

 

“Right, and by getting you so drunk you couldn’t sit up straight, Craig took away your ability to consent.” Jensen crosses the room until his standing in front of Jared, his hands on the taller boy’s biceps. “You didn’t say ‘yes’, Jared, and you couldn’t say ‘no’. That’s rape.”

 

Jared pales so fast Jensen would wonder where all the blood had gone to if it didn’t look so terrifying.

 

With a gasp, Jared pushes him out of the way, running to the trash can next to Ms. Smith’s desk and vomiting up whatever he’d eaten at lunch.

 

With a heavy sigh, Jensen races after him, rubbing between Jared’s shoulder blades and holding his long bangs away from his face as he heaved his guts up.

 

After a few minutes, Jared sinks back onto his heels and Jensen lets him go, running his hand through Jared’s now sweaty hair one more time. Jared gives him a grateful smile as he turns to sit with his back against the wall.

 

With a smile of his own, Jensen gives Jared a few minutes to get himself together again. He crosses the classroom to where he left his bag, opening the front pocket and taking out half a bottle of water and a pack of gum. When he hears Jared take a deep breath, Jensen makes way back to him, sitting on the floor next to him and handing over the items.

 

Jared swirls the water around in his mouth, spitting it into the trash can before he pops a few pieces of gum into his mouth. He offers the pack back to Jensen and then slips it into the pocket of his jeans when Jensen waves him off.

 

“How old was Craig?” Jensen asks after a while. He can feel Jared stiffening beside him.

 

“Why does that matter?”

 

“I’m trying to figure out your issues, Jared. It matters.”

 

Jared sighs and thumps his head back against the wall. “I don’t know for sure, I never asked and he never brought it up.”

 

“Guess,” Jensen barks.

 

“Twenty-eight, maybe?” He seems embarrassed by the admission, but Jensen can only laugh sharply.

 

“God, is it any wonder you’re so fucked up.” He gets up to pace the space in front of Jared’s splayed legs as the boy’s angry gaze snaps to him.

 

“What the hell is that supposed to mean?”

 

“Jared, whatever the hell that guy told you, he’s made you think that that’s what all gay men are like. Fuck, Jared, the guy raped you and made you think that it was normal, that that was just the way men had sex with each other.”

 

Jared snots. “Isn’t it? I read some stuff, I know it’s supposed to hurt, and you know what? It fucking did, Jensen. It hurt like a son of a bitch for days afterwards.”

 

Jensen shakes his head. “Not like that, Jared. Yes, it hurts at first, but if you do it right – if you’re with someone who cares about you – and you’re careful, it can be so amazing.”

 

Jared looks at him with a wary expression. “You’ve…you’ve done it? Done…that?”

 

Jensen laughs sheepishly. “Yeah. I mean…I prefer to be on top, but yeah, I’ve bottomed a few times.” Jared’s frowning, clearly not understanding a thing Jensen just said and Jensen rolls his eyes. “God, you know nothing, do you?”

 

Jared shrugs. “After…after Craig, I didn’t wanna be like that, I didn’t want to be with someone who would hurt me like that.”

 

Jensen sits down in front of Jared, folding his legs underneath him. “Jared, I get it, you had a rough time with Craig, it must have been…God, I can’t even imagine what it must have been like for you, experiencing something like that.” Jared turns his face away, hiding in the crook of his shoulder and Jensen presses on. “But, Jared, why did you just assume that sex between two men would be any different than it is when it’s a man and a woman?”

 

“Oh, come on, Jensen,” Jared snaps. “Of course it’s different.”

 

“There’s different equipment, yeah, I’m not an idiot. But everything else? Not so different. Guys have sex because they like each other, love each other. They do it to make each other feel good, and they shouldn’t have to get their partner drunk off their ass to do that.”

 

Jared gawps at him, like he’s just been told something profound. “Straight sex is different,” he mumbles, like it’s something that’s been drummed into his head.

 

“So, I’m gonna ask you again, Jared,” Jensen says softly, “why did you think that what Craig did to you was okay?”

 

“I didn’t think it was okay!” Jared yells.

 

“No, but you thought it was normal, didn’t you?”

 

Jared slumps against the wall, like all the fight has been drained out of him. “My grandparents,” he says, like it’s an explanation.

 

Jensen frowns. “What about them?”

 

“They used to tell us that being gay was a sin, that what two men did together was vile and disgusting and wrong. After…after what Craig did, I started to believe that they were right. That they’d been right all along.”

 

Jensen doesn’t know what to say to that, doesn’t know how to argue against something someone has been told for their entire life, like some stupid, fucked up bedtime story.

 

“Craig was the only other gay person I’ve ever known,” Jared continues when Jensen stays quiet. “He was…everything I know about gay men I learned from him. Which, yeah, is not exactly accurate apparently, but he was all I had to go on. I thought all gay men were like him. But then I came here, and I met you, and everything in my life got seriously messed up.”

 

Jensen preens. “Well, you know, I am pretty fucking awesome.” He’s trying for a joke, to relieve a little of the tension that has built up in the room, but Jared doesn’t laugh, doesn’t even crack a smile.

 

“I thought you’d want the same thing Craig wanted. When I told him I didn’t want to…to do that again, he called me a little chicken shit, told me I had to get used to it, because that’s what guys did. I hung up on him and ditched my phone. Told my folks I lost it.” Jared snorts a laugh. “And then I really did lose it.”

 

Jensen nods. “You tried to make yourself into what you thought was the complete opposite of a gay man.”

 

“Yeah, but the only thing that did for me was get me kicked out of school and a reputation so bad that no girl wanted to come near me in case she caught something.” Jared’s eyes grow wide and he looks up at Jensen pleadingly. “They wouldn’t have caught anything. I’m clean, I promise.”

 

Jensen doesn’t know why Jared feels the need to point that out, so he ignores it. “And your folks moved you here after you got expelled?”

 

Jared shrugs. “It’s quiet, not much in the way of night life or anything.” He sighs. “It was the only school that my parents could get to take me. With a record like mine, no one wants me at their school. From what I hear, they made some, uh, generous donations.”

 

Jensen rolls his eyes. “No wonder you’re the fucking golden boy around here.”

 

“Trust me, I didn’t wanna be. I just wanted to keep my head down.”

 

“But you choose to sit next to me in chem lab.”

 

Jared nods. “When I found out that everyone knew you were gay, I needed to get myself as far away from you as possible, but even that wasn’t enough, because everything in me wanted to talk to you, to get to know you. So I did everything I could to make you stay away from me, to make you hate me so much that you wanted nothing to do with me. That’s partly why I sat with Chad my first day.”

 

“Well, I’m pleased to tell you that you’re little plan worked,” Jensen spits, shifting in place, uncomfortable even if he does want to hear what Jared has to say now.

 

“But, the more I saw you, the more I watched you, the more I realized that you are nothing like Craig. That’s when I started to think that maybe everything I thought wasn’t exactly the truth.”

 

“And instead of coming to me and talking to me, you ambush me in the darkroom?”

 

“By then I’d gone too far, I didn’t think you’d want anything to do with me.”

 

Jensen cocks his head, considering. “I figured out that there was something wrong that day in the darkroom. Homophobic assholes like you were pretending to be, don’t just kiss the school queer just because they feel like it. By Homecoming, we all knew there was something you were hiding.”

 

“Who’s we?” Jared asks, and there’s a quiver in his voice, like he’s worried his secret’s going to get out.

 

“Me, Danneel, Genevieve, Steve.” Jensen laughs. “Hell, at this point, even my mom knows there’s something up. She’s the one who’s been pushing me to talk to you about it.”

 

“Then why didn’t you?”

 

“Because it wasn’t my place,” Jensen admits honestly. “You had to be the one to come to me, because if I’d gone to you and said ‘Hey, Padalecki, I know your big gay secret’, you would have pounded me so hard I’d be seeing stars for a week.” Jared laughs a little, and Jensen takes a moment to bask in the sound before he shrugs. “Besides, what I thought was the problem wasn’t even close to what you’re really dealing with.”

 

“What did you think my problem was?” Jared asks.

 

“I thought you were just really, deeply closeted. Or you had real red-neck hicks for parents who wanted all gay people to be stoned on sight, which, now that I think about it, was almost true. Just one generation removed.”

 

“My parents were pretty great when I told them,” Jared says, repeating his words from earlier. “I mean, they weren’t exactly doing cartwheels at the revelation – this is Texas, after all – but they were okay about it. They just wanted me to be happy.”

 

Jensen nods. “But acting like this…Jared, you’re not happy.”

 

“I know.”

 

They’re quiet for a while. Jensen shifts around until he’s leaning against the wall next to Jared again, but neither of them talks, and Jensen loses track of time, wondering when Principal Morgan will appear to tell them to get lost. Then something occurs to him.

 

“Did you switch seats in science because you were afraid of what Chad would say to you?”

 

“Technically, yeah.”

 

“What, did he warn you away from the school fag?” Jensen can’t help but laugh as he imagines that conversation.

 

Jared shrugs. “I already knew that you were gay, but when Chad found out that I’d been partnered with you, he sort of freaked out. I was trying to stay on the DL, as far as dating and relationships go, and hanging with Chad seemed like the best way to stop everyone from speculating if I was straight or not. Listening to his ranting, I knew if I’d stayed as your partner, it would only be a matter of time before he started wondering about me, too.”

 

Jensen nods, because he can sort of understand that logic, even if he doesn’t agree with it. Then he frowns. “Wait, you knew I was gay? Who told you?”

 

Jensen sexuality hasn’t been a secret since sophomore year, when Sandy tried to make out with him at Cindy Sampson’s birthday party. When Jensen said ‘no’, she told everyone he was gay, like that could be the only reason any guy would turn her down. Jensen really didn’t see any point in denying the truth. If he’d known how much everything would change and how much his life would suck, he would have kept his mouth quiet and just kissed Sandy back.

 

Jensen watches in amazement as Jared blushes, staring down at his hands in his lap.

 

“Um, no one?”

 

Jensen’s not really sure why that sounds so much like a question. “Then how did you find out? I can’t imagine someone as in denial as you would have developed a good gaydar.”

 

“I live across the street,” Jared mumbles.

 

Jensen blinks, because, really, that’s just…

 

“You live across the street? My street?”

 

Jared nods. “The house on the corner?” Again, it sounds like a question, like Jared’s asking Jensen whether or not it’s true.

 

Jensen stares at the ceiling as he tries to think. He knows the house Jared’s talking about, the huge three story thing on the corner. It used to belong to the Wilson’s, but with their last daughter now in her second year at some college on the other side of the country, they felt it was time to down grade. Jensen’s mom had been sad to see them go, as Mary Wilson was a good friend.

 

Jensen remembers seeing the family who moved in, or, rather, he remembers seeing the parents and a little girl about Mackenzie’s age. He’s never seen anyone who looked even remotely like Jared – or his car – go in or out of that house.

 

“It wasn’t like I was trying to hide from you or anything,” Jared tells him, like he’s reading Jensen’s mind.

 

“Sure seems that way.” Jensen shakes his head. “Where the hell do you park your car? I would have remembered seeing that car on my street.”

 

“Our house sits on the corner, so I park around back. Don’t use the front door much.”

 

Which makes a lot more sense to Jensen.

 

“So, what?” he says slowly. “We live on the same street so that’s how you know I’m into dick?”

 

He grins at the bright blush that crawls over Jared’s face at his words.

 

“No,” Jared says slowly. “The night before my first day here, I was looking out the front window. I saw you get dropped off by a guy. He walked you to your front door, kissed you goodnight or whatever.”

 

Jensen sighs. His last night with Misha, the older man had gone all out, trying to prove he really wasn’t as big of a bastard as Jensen was accusing him of being by being the perfect gentlemen and taking him home, giving him one last kiss as a goodbye before he got into his car and drove out of Jensen’s life.

 

“Is he your boyfriend?” Jared asks when Jensen doesn’t say anything, and Jensen really wants to know why Jared would try to kiss him if he thought Jensen had a boyfriend.

 

Instead he just shakes his head. “Boyfriend? No, he…” he trails off, because telling Jared that Misha was just a fuck buddy would probably stir up all those feeling Jared has towards gay sex, so he bites his tongue on the rest of the sentence.

 

But Jared doesn’t let it go. “He what?” he prods.

 

“He moved away, outta state. That night you saw us was the last time I saw him.”

 

“I’m sorry,” Jared says, and he sounds like he means it.

 

Jensen shrugs. “It’s cool, not like I thought the guy was the love of my life or anything. I wasn’t planning on running off to New York and adopting Asian babies with the guy. But, you know, he was nice and he liked me, and the sex was pretty damn good.”

 

“Yeah?”

 

Jensen nods but he frowns, too, because while sex with Misha was good in all the physical ways, Jensen’s never been with anyone he really loved, so he doesn’t know how much better sex can be with that emotional connection.

 

“Never had that,” Jared admits quietly.

 

Jensen turns his head to look at him. “Never had what?”

 

“Sex with someone I actually wanted to have sex with.”

 

“What about all those girls you banged?”

 

Jared gives him a scathing look. “They were girls, asshole.”

 

Jensen just raises his hands in surrender and looks away.

 

Jared takes a deep breath. “Sex with someone you actually wanna be with, without having to close your eyes and imagine they’re someone else…yeah, I have no idea what that’s like.”

 

“Maybe when you get your head on straight, get past thinking that all gay men just wanna fuck you raw, you can find someone you really wanna be with.”

 

Jensen lets out a breath he doesn’t know he’s holding and leans his head back against the wall, purposefully ignoring the way Jared’s looking at him through his lashes and chewing on his lower lip.

 

Jensen’s not sure how long they stay like that, sitting silently against the wall. It’s peaceful, comfortable and Jensen’s mind drifts, imaging what it would have been like if he and Jared had been friends. If they’d been more than friends.

 

The door opens, and Principal Morgan’s voice calls their names, sounding irritated and pissed off. Jensen waves his hand in the air from where they’re sitting on the floor, only now realizing that they’re hidden behind the desk.

 

Jensen takes in the smug look on Morgan’s face as he stands in front of them and knows that he and Jared have done exactly what the principal had asked them to do – talk through whatever issues they had with each other. The fact that Jared’s issues are more his own than anything to do with Jensen is something Morgan doesn’t need to hear.

 

“Alright, boys, you can head on home now.”

 

They slowly get to their feet, moving around the room to gather their things before heading for the door.

 

“You want a ride home?” Jared asks suddenly and Jensen looks at him with raised eyebrows. Jared shrugs. “We’re both going to the same place, and I always did feel like a fucking asshole driving past you every day.”

 

“Danneel usually gives me a ride.”

 

“Not always, though.”

 

“No, not always.”

 

Jared slings his backpack over his shoulder. “So, ride? Yes or no?”

 

Jensen chuckles. “Sounds good.”

 

The smile on Jared’s face at Jensen’s simple acceptance rivals the sun and Jensen forces himself to look away from the deep dimples, fidgeting with his backpack to give himself something to focus on.

 

“Boys?” Both of them turn back to face Morgan, and Jensen notes that that smug smirk is still in place. “Don’t let me catch either of you in detention again.”

 

Jensen simply nods and follows Jared out of the classroom.

 

Chapter 4

 

Jared doesn’t come to school the next day, and Jensen can’t really say he’s surprised. He would probably need a day or so to work his mind around all the revelations Jared was forced to deal with in that classroom.

 

He is surprised to find that he misses seeing the tall boy’s lanky frame in the hallways, even if it has only been one day, and he has no idea where he stands with Jared now.

 

Jared had been awkward and quiet on the ride home, and Jensen had left him to his thoughts, not wanting to pry. But now he wishes he’d talked to the guy, found out if he was going to be okay or if he wanted someone to talk to, to let Jared know that Jensen would be there for him.

 

Instead, he’d just left with a quick ‘see you at school’ and run into his own house, so that he could deal with his own thoughts on the subject of Jared and everything the new boy had been through.

 

“Jensen? Are you okay?” his mom asks, peeking around his open bedroom door.

 

“No,” he mumbles at her. He’s sitting at his desk, his chin resting on his folded arms as he looks out the window. From this angle, he has a perfect view of Jared’s house on the corner, and for one fleeting moment, Jensen wishes he knew which of the many windows he could see was Jared’s.

 

“You wanna talk about?”

 

When Jensen turns, Donna is sitting on the edge of his bed, her hands folded neatly in her lap as she gazes at him expectantly.

 

“Jared’s parents have known he’s gay for years. That isn’t his problem,” he blurts out quickly.

 

“And you know what his problem is?”

 

“We talked yesterday, in detention. He sorta…spilled the whole thing. I just think he needed someone who understood; who could tell him that it was okay from him to be scared.”

 

“And this is something he should be scared about?” When Jensen just nods, Donna sighs. “Jensen, I can’t read your mind, and you should know by now that I’m not going to go behind your back with anything you tell me. It’s not like I know his parents after all.”

 

“Uh, you kinda do, actually.”

 

“How’s that?”

 

“That new family that moved into the Wilson’s old house?” Jensen rolls his eyes at the way he makes it a question, falling into Jared’s habits after only a few hours in the boy’s company.

 

“The Padaleckis?”

 

“That’d be them.”

 

“Huh,” Donna says with a shake of her head. “They said they had a boy about your age, I just never made the connection.”

 

“Woulda been nice if you did, Mama. Maybe then I wouldn’t be blindsided by him telling me he knew I was gay ‘cause he saw me on the front porch with Misha.”

 

“Really, Jensen, you’re making him sound like some sort of Peeping Tom.”

 

“Alright,” Jensen concedes, “maybe he was just looking out the window and he saw me.”

 

“Better,” she smirks.

 

Jensen grows quiet, worrying on his bottom lip as he regards his mother. She simply stares back at him for a few minutes before she heaves a sigh and narrows her eyes.

 

“Are you going to make me guess?”

 

“You promise me you aren’t gonna run to the Padaleckis as soon as I tell you what’s going on?”

 

“Jensen.” He can hear the irritated tone of her voice.

 

“Mom, promise me.”

 

“Alright, I promise, Sweetie. I promise.”

 

Jensen nods and takes a deep breath, looking down at his hands in his lap, because there is no way he can look his mother in the eye when he tells her everything Jared told him in the classroom.

 

“Do his parents know?” Donna asks when Jensen’s finished, her voice thick with emotion.

 

“They’ve known he was gay since he was fourteen, but they don’t know about the…the rape.”

 

Donna wipes at the wetness on her cheeks, but she doesn’t say anything and Jensen wilts a little. He hadn’t realized how much he was hoping that his mother would have some idea of what they should do to fix this.

 

“Will you say something?” he explodes, finally.

 

She just looks at him, her face sad. “I don’t know what you want me to say, Jensen.”

 

“I want you to tell me how to fix this. I want you to tell me what to do.”

 

“Be his friend,” she says simply, like it could all be that easy. “Show him that he doesn’t have to hide who he is. Show him what an amazing person you are, and help him to understand what it means to be gay. But please, Jensen, whatever you do, don’t turn away from him.”

 

“Be his friend?” he repeats skeptically.

 

Donna nods. “Be his friend.”

 

“Alright, I can do that.”

 

///

 

“Jared Padalecki quit the football team.”

 

Jensen pauses with his fork halfway to his mouth and looks up at Danneel where she’s standing at the end of the table, putting her hands on her hips after she dumps her jacket and bag next to Genevieve’s tray.

 

Jensen’s sort of stuck on the fact that she chose to use Jared’s full name to make this announcement. After all, it’s not like they know any other guys called Jared and there’s only one Jared on the football team.

 

Well, there was only one Jared on the football team.

 

His best friend’s words sink in then, and Jensen chokes on the bite of food he has in his mouth as he stares at her. “What?!”

 

“Jared,” Danneel repeats slowly. “Football team. Quit. Where am I losing you?”

 

Jensen swallows hard, washes the food down with a swig from Steve’s can of Coke before he swivels in his seat to look at the table behind him, noticing that Jared, Chad, Tom and Sandy are all missing.

 

Something cold curls in his belly.

 

“What?” Genevieve repeats Jensen’s question. “Why the hell would he do that? Isn’t he all ‘Mr. Left Tackle, King of High School’? Why would he wanna give that up?”

 

“Maybe because of all those conclusions we stepped into last weekend,” Steve points out.

 

“Remember, Jared the closet case?” Danneel reminds her and Jensen can hear the petit brunette let out a confused sound.

 

“Yeah, but it’s not like we know all those things are true,” she tells them. “We were just speculating.” She pauses when no one agrees with her. “It was just speculation, right?”

 

“Well, he kissed Jensen,” Steve says slowly. “So I think the closeted thing can be taken as true.”

 

“He’s not closeted,” Jensen almost snaps before he can think better of it.

 

All eyes turn to him.

 

“And you know this how?” Danneel asks, her arms folded across her chest now and her lips pursed.

 

“It’s really not my place to tell you,” he says quickly, gathering his things and picking up his tray. “I gotta go.”

 

He can hear his friends calling after him, but he ignores them, making a promise to himself to text them all later, after he finds Jared and assures himself that there’s nothing wrong.

 

The hallways are all empty, because it’s lunch, and everyone’s either in the cafeteria or outside somewhere enjoying the sunshine. Sure, there are a few people who are probably holed up in the library studying, but even Jensen’s sure Jared hasn’t fallen that low yet, so he just heads outside.

 

Jensen hears Sandy’s maniacal laughter before he spots any of them and he breaks into a run, already knowing what he’s going to find when he reaches them.

 

When he rounds the corner of the science building he sees them. Jared’s lying on the grass, trying to protect his face and head while Chad, Tom and Sandy surround him.

 

Jensen doesn’t think, just drops his bag and puts on a burst of speed, reaching out to grab Chad by his collar and pull him backwards. He doesn’t look as Chad falls to his ass, just moves on to Tom, shoving him hard.

 

When Jensen finally looks back at Jared, Sandy’s standing in front of him, her leg raised in the air as she prepares to slam her heel into Jared’s abdomen.

 

“I am so not above hitting a girl right now, Sandy,” Jensen says through gritted teeth.

 

She sneers. “Yeah, right.”

 

“If you don’t get away from him in the next five seconds you’ll see for yourself.”

 

She turns to look at Jared, like she wants to make sure he is who she thinks he is, and Jensen takes the opportunity for what it is, slipping past her until he can kneel on the grass next to Jared.

 

“Hey,” he says softly.

 

Jared lifts his hands away from his head. “Jensen?”

 

“Yeah, it’s me. Come on, look at me.”

 

Jared blinks up at him. He’s got a split lip, blood running down his chin, and bruises blossoming all over his face and his left eye is already swelling closed, but he still tries to smile. “Guess this is some sort of karma for you, huh?”

 

“Stop that, right now,” Jensen scolds. “You know I don’t feel that way. Not anymore”

 

Jared snorts and chokes on the blood his mouth. “You fucking should.”

 

“You know, Ackles, I’m not above beating on you again if you don’t get out of my way.”

 

Jensen looks over his shoulder to see Chad and Tom advancing on them again, but they’ve got an audience now, and Sandy’s looking around nervously, tugging on Tom’s sleeve to get his attention.

 

“People are staring,” she says in a hoarse whisper.

 

“So?” Tom glances back at her.

 

“So we should get out of here before someone tries to help them. It’s already two on two.”

 

“Yeah,” Jensen agrees. “You guys only go after people if you’re sure you have the advantage.”

 

“You think I can’t take you, you fucking queer?” Chad sneers.

 

“What the hell is going on over here?!” someone yells, and Jensen looks past the three of them to see Principal Morgan hurrying towards them.

 

Chad takes a step away and smirks down at Jensen. “Jensen just started wailing on Jared, sir. We came over here to help-”

 

“Save it, Murray,” Morgan interrupts, “I saw you from the second floor.” He glares at them. “The three of you, my office. Now.”

 

Chad glares at the principal before he reluctantly turns on his heel and heads for the principal’s office.

 

Jensen ignores all of them, his attention already back on Jared, who’s sitting up on his knees, wiping at the blood with the back of his hand.

 

“Are you two okay?” Morgan asks.

 

“They didn’t touch me,” Jensen assures. He takes Jared by the arm and helps him get to his feet.

 

Morgan just stands and watches them. “Jared?”

 

“’M fine,” Jared mumbles around his split lip.

 

“Can I take Jared home? I don’t really think he’s in a fit state to sit in class and he can’t drive himself home.”

 

He locks eyes with Morgan, letting the man know he’s not backing down on this, and finally – after a good ten-second staring match – Morgan relents, nodding his head with a heavy sigh. “I’ll talk to you about this on Monday, Jared.”

 

“Yes, sir.”

 

Jensen leaves Jared leaning against the wall while he picks up his things from where he dropped them when he ran at Chad. He spots Jared’s bag and jacket under a nearby tree and he picks those up as well.

 

“Keys,” Jensen demands, holding out his hand as he leads Jared to the parking lot.

 

Jared laughs, but it sounds thick around the blood in his mouth. “There is no way you’re driving my car, man.”

 

“Jared, you’re bleeding all over the place, you can’t drive like that. Give me your keys.”

 

There’s another stand-off as they glare at each other before Jared gives in, reaching into his pocket for the keys to the Camaro.

 

“You crash it and I will end you,” he threatens, tossing the keys at Jensen and moving around to the passenger side of the car.

 

Jensen really can’t contain his glee as he slides behind the wheel.

 

///

 

The drive home was more comfortable than it had been two days previous, but that’s mostly because Jensen isn’t sitting in his seat trying desperately to think of something to say. Instead, he drives quietly, letting Jared doze against the window in the passenger seat, his arms cradled around his middle where Jensen was sure he was nursing some bruised ribs. Jensen knows how much Chad’s kicks hurt.

 

“Jared,” he calls, nudging the snoozing boy gently. “We’re home.”

 

Jared takes a deep breath as he sits up, stretching as much as his injuries allow and climbing out of the car.

 

Not sure what else he should be doing, Jensen follows Jared around the back of the house.

 

Apparently, Jared expected him to do just that, because the back door is standing open, waiting for Jensen to close it behind him.

 

He hears Jared groan from what he assumes is the direction of the living room and he nods his head as he takes a look around the kitchen.

 

“First Aid kit?” he calls as he opens the freezer, pulling out the ice cubes and dumping them into a plastic bag he finds on the counter.

 

“Um, bathroom,” Jared replies, “down the hall on your left, first door.” He pauses. “Why do you want the First Aid kit?”

 

Jensen chuckles as he wraps the bag of ice in a kitchen towel. “Because you look like you just went twelve rounds with Floyd Mayweather and I think we should get you cleaned up before your mom sees you.”

 

“I think that’s giving Chad way too much credit, man,” Jared grumbles and Jensen chuckles at him.

 

Jensen finds the First Aid kit easily enough, on the top shelf of the medicine cabinet in the small bathroom and then makes his way to the living room, finding Jared stretched out on the couch with his head tipped back and his eyes closed.

 

“Shove over,” Jensen orders, flicking his chin with cold fingertips.

 

Jared doesn’t complain, just does as he’s told and shifts a little until Jensen can sit next to him. He startles a little when Jensen pushes up his shirt, setting the icepack on his ribs. Jensen can already see that the area is starting to color, the bruises coming up and he shrugs a little at Jared’s questioning look.

 

“I know how hard Chad can kick.”

 

Jared lets out a breath of air and closes his eyes again. “I really screwed up, didn’t I?”

 

“You were scared,” Jensen insists. “Can’t hold that against you.”

 

“Yeah, but instead of doing what I should have done and told someone what Craig did, I did…this.” He waves a hand at himself and blinks his eyes open. He looks up at Jensen as Jensen dabs at the cut on his chin with an alcohol wipe, reaching up to touch the healing cut at Jensen’s eyebrow. “This is all just such a mess.”

 

Jensen frowns. “Jay, I’m not gonna sit here and tell you what you should and shouldn’t have done. You can’t change the past. Yeah, it might have been better if you’d told your parents about Craig. Yeah, it might have been better if you hadn’t listened to Chad on your first day at North Ridge. But Jared, you can’t change the past, and beating yourself up about it isn’t going to make it all magically go away.”

 

“What if I got one of those magic lamp things, and made a wish on the genie. Think all this shit would disappear?” Jared asks with actual hope in his eyes.

 

“Sure,” Jensen agrees enthusiastically. “And meanwhile, I’ll be back here in the real world waiting for you when you come back from fantasy land.”

 

Jared laughs, but he sobers quickly, a serious expression falling over his face and Jensen braces himself, suddenly worried at where the conversation could be going.

 

“Why are you helping me?” Jared asks quietly. He’s not looking at Jensen, his eyes focused on the icepack sitting on his abdomen and Jensen would suddenly give anything to see the emotion in the other boy’s eyes. “I mean, I haven’t exactly been the nicest to you since we met.”

 

“Technically, we only really met two days ago, in detention. That was the first time we had a proper conversation anyway,” Jensen says with a grin, trying for levity.

 

Jared shakes his head. “That morning outside your locker.”

 

“I don’t count that,” Jensen says quickly. He frowns. “You knew that was where my locker was?”

 

Jared blushes hotly, shifting where he sits and Jensen realizes he’s more than a little uncomfortable with that topic, so he lets it drop.

 

“Look, I don’t care about any of that. Yeah, it sucks that most of the school hates me because I’m gay, but, Jared, thy hated me before you ever got here. Did you ever stop to think about how narrow minded the people at this school are? I mean, no one gave a shit about me before Sandy outed me when we were sophomores and Chad found someone he could pick on and show his authority around the school. And now they’re beating on you like you’re some piece of trash because you had the audacity to quit the football team just because Chad says so? How fucking pathetic can you get?”

 

“That doesn’t matter, Jensen. None of this would be happening if it wasn’t for me.”

 

Jensen inclines his head in acknowledgment of the truth of Jared’s words. “Maybe, maybe not, but I’m kinda looking forward to finding out how you’re going to make all that up to me.”

 

The words hold more heat and suggestion than Jensen intended and he watches as Jared’s eyes flash with something he can’t name. They just stare at each other, silence hanging thickly over them, expecting.

 

Jared shifts on the couch and Jensen leans forward mindlessly, almost like he’s drawn to the other boy, like a magnet.

 

The front door opens loudly and obnoxiously just as Jared’s eyes flick to Jensen’s lips and Jensen has to bite down on his tongue to stop himself from groaning out loud. Jared doesn’t feel the need to preserve his self-respect, and simply collapses back against the arm of the couch with a loud whine.

 

“JT?” calls a voice from the hallway and Jared pushes himself up on his elbows so that he can look back over his shoulder at the door to the living room.

 

“Mama?”

 

Jensen looks up and follows Jared’s gaze, seeing a woman who looks a lot like Jared standing in the doorway, a grocery sack in one arm.

 

“JT, why aren’t you at…” Mrs. Padalecki trails off when she gets a good look at Jared’s face, sees the bruises coloring his skin, his eye swollen heavily. “Good God, Jared, what the hell happened to you?” She makes her way into the living room, moving quickly to her son’s side and Jensen’s manners take over. He rises from his seat and takes the groceries out of Jared’s mom’s arms. She gives him a quick smile, but her attention swiftly returns to Jared and Jensen can’t really blame her.

 

“I’ll, um…I’ll put these away,” Jensen mutters lamely and leaves them to it, making his way back through the house to the kitchen.

 

He doesn’t know where everything goes, but he does his best, trying to draw the task out for as long as possible to give Jared time to talk to his mother. He doesn’t know what Jared’s going to tell her. Jared said they knew he was gay, but Jensen doesn’t know if they’re comfortable enough with that fact to be told the whole sordid story, or even if Jared will just pass off the fight as some sort of homophobic attack. Jared’s mom could end up deciding that this was why her son shouldn’t be gay and he’d be shoved into one of those rehabilitation camps where they try to teach people not to be gay.

 

Jensen knows that Jared’s having trouble with his sexuality, but he doesn’t need something like that.

 

After another few minutes, during which Jensen straightens the apples in the bowl and gets himself a glass of water from the cooler in the refrigerator, Jensen takes a deep breath, stealing himself before he goes back to the living room.

 

Both Jared and Mrs. Padalecki look up when he announces himself by clearing his throat. Jared gives him a pleased smile that does something to Jensen’s insides, while Mrs. Padalecki just looks at him expectantly.

 

“Mom, this is Jensen. He drove me home after the fight.” Jared laughs a little. “Saved me from the fight, actually.”

 

A knowing smile spreads across Jared’s mom’s face. “So, you’re Jensen, are you? Jared’s told us a lot about you.”

 

Jensen’s eyes widen at that and he looks back at Jared, who’s staring determinately at his hands, refusing to meet Jensen’s gaze, even as a blush steals over his face.

 

“Well, I, uh, I wish I could say the same thing, Mrs. Padalecki, but Jared doesn’t like to talk about himself much.” Which is a down right lie, considering what Jared spoke to him about in detention.

 

“Teenage boys,” Mrs. Padalecki says in that exasperated mom voice. Jared blushes further and his mom ruffles his hair, even as she looks back up at Jensen. “Well, Jensen, since you seem to be the hero of the hour, would you like to stay for dinner?”

 

Jensen pauses. He looks out the window at his own house across the street and the lonely microwave meal that’s waiting for him when he gets home. His parents and sister are off to visit their grandparents for the weekend, leaving right after they pick Mackenzie up from school. Before he left that morning, Jensen asked if he could stay behind. He wanted the peace and quiet of an empty house so that he would be able to sort through everything that had happened this week, find out if it meant anything.

 

But right now, standing in the middle of Jared’s living room, with both Jared and his mom looking at him expectantly, the only thing Jensen feels at the prospect of going home to an empty house is complete and utter loneliness.

 

“I’d like that, Mrs. Padalecki,” Jensen says quietly before he’s even aware of opening his mouth.

 

He watches as Mrs. Padalecki beams at him and Jared lets out a relieved sigh.

 

“Wonderful,” she says as she gets up off the couch. “You boys just hang out in here, and I’ll bring you some snacks before I get started on dinner.”

 

She leaves the room quickly and Jensen just watches her go, a little uncomfortable at the thought of having her waiting on him.

 

“I have this week’s WWE pay-per-view Tivo’d,” Jared says suddenly, drawing Jensen’s attention back to him. He looks nervous. “You wanna watch before dinner?”

 

Jensen smirks. “Hot, sweaty, scantily clad men writhing around on the ground? Bring it on.”

 

Jared laughs loudly as he shifts around on the couch until Jensen can sit next to him. He starts the show as Jensen gets comfortable and then there’s nothing but the sounds of the two of them cheering on their favorite Superstars.

 

///

 

It’s late by the time Jensen leaves Jared’s house, well past eleven. Jared stands on his front porch and watches as he crosses the street and Jensen can feel his eyes on the back of his head.

 

He lets himself in through the front door and locks up behind him for the night, only flicking on the hallway lights as he makes his way into the living room.

 

Jensen stands at the window and looks back out at Jared’s house. He knows which room is Jared’s now, the one on the left side of the house with the light glowing behind the dark blue drapes. He knows because he’s been in it, sat on Jared’s bed, saw the pile of laundry in one corner, spotted more drawings of himself on Jared’s desk and couldn’t deny the flip in his stomach.

 

Jensen takes a deep breath and leans his head against the cool glass.

 

“I am so fucking screwed.”

 

Chapter 5

 

Jensen sleeps late the next day.

 

He blames that on his family being gone and his mother not making him get up to do chores, but really, he lay in bed and stared at the ceiling for hours the night before, reliving the time he spent at Jared’s house and how much fun he had, so he’s not really surprised his tiredness got the better of him.

 

Everything had been so easy once there was nothing in the way, once it was just them. Just Jensen and Jared. They had a lot in common, they had the same sense of humor, they liked the same shows and movies and Jensen hasn’t connected with someone like this since…well, ever.

 

It scares Jensen, how easy it is to just be with Jared, especially considering everything that’s happened since the boy moved to their town.

 

But the funny thing is, none of it matters. Now that Jared’s opened up to him, Jensen finds himself completely disregarding anything that happened before that day in detention when Jared told him about Craig.

 

It’s like none of it ever happened. Jared makes him want to forget it all happened. He’s not sure how his friends are going to react to this news.

 

Speaking of friends, Jensen pulls his cell phone from the pocket of his jacket where he left it last night. Since it’s so late in the day, he doesn’t bother to make more than a cup of coffee for ‘breakfast’, promising himself that he’ll order take out for dinner and overindulge. So with his cup and his phone, Jensen makes his way to the living room.

 

His battery is dying so it doesn’t spend much time scrolling through the list of Tweets he’s missed or the random gaming emails he’s received over the course of the day before, just scans his phone calls and texts, wincing at the sheer volume of missed calls he has from Danneel, Genevieve and Steve.

 

With a shake of his head, Jensen turns his cell phone off and picks up the house phone from the table next to the couch and dials from memory.

 

He sips his coffee as he waits for her to answer.

 

_“Is this Donna calling me to tell me her son was in a horrible accident yesterday and that’s why he’s been ignoring me for the past twenty-four hours?”_ Danneel screeches down the line at him. _“Because I know that would be the only reason he would have for ignoring all of my calls and texts and Tweets and emails. And all of Steve and Genevieve’s calls and texts and Tweets and emails.”_

 

Jensen pinches the bridge of his nose, trying to cut his headache off before it has a chance to take hold. “Dan, I’m sorry I didn’t call, but please don’t give me shit right now.”

 

_“No,”_ the red head snaps. _“I’m the best friend; I have the right to give you shit for dropping off the face of the planet.”_

 

Jensen sighs. “I should have called Gen about this, at least she’d listen. Or Steve. Steve might even be on my side about this.”

 

_“I came by your house, Jensen!”_ Danneel practically yells.

 

“Didn’t get home til late.”

 

_“Yes, well you should have-”_ She cuts herself off and there’s a pause. _“Called Gen and Steve about what? Did something happen?”_

 

“No,” Jensen answers quickly. He cringes. “Yes. Maybe. God, I don’t know, Danni.”

 

_“Jensen Ackles! Did you meet someone?”_

 

Jensen chews on his lower lip. He knows the longer he stays quiet the more conclusions she’ll jump to, but he can’t make himself talk.

 

The denial is on the tip of his tongue, the words to tell her not to be so stupid, because who would he meet in their one gay guy town, are right there, but he can’t force them past his lips. He can’t makes himself deny what he thinks might actually be true, and to admit that, yes, there might be someone, would make all of this, everything he’s been feeling since Jared drove him home after confessing everything, all so very real.

 

_“Jensen, who were you with?”_ Danneel asks, a slight lilt to the tone of her voice that Jensen finds incredibly endearing.

 

“Jared,” he mumbles, hoping he’s too quiet for her to hear.

 

Her silence tells him she heard just fine.

 

There’s no sound for a few minutes and then Danneel starts to laugh, long and loud and Jensen can imagine her with her head tipped back and one hand to her chest.

 

_“Jesus, Jensen, for a second there I thought you were serious,”_ she says when she calms down.

 

“I am being serious.” He’s annoyed now; annoyed that she could think he would use Jared as the butt of some stupid joke. Even before Jensen found out Jared’s secret he would never have done that.

 

_“You…you spent the day with Jared? Like, Jared Padalecki?”_

 

He nods even though he knows she can’t see him. “When I left the cafeteria yesterday, I went outside and saw Chad, Tom and Sandy beating Jared up. Principal Morgan saw the whole thing and sent the three of them to his office. I took Jared home, got him cleaned up, and then just sort of…hung around. His mom asked me to stay for dinner.”

 

_“Why would you do that, Jensen? Why would you help him after everything he’s done to you?”_

 

“Because there are things you don’t know, Dan. Jared has reasons for believing that all gay men are bastards who are only after one thing and don’t care what they have to do to get it.” Jensen cringes again, because he did not mean to say that. But she’s making him upset. It’s like she’s questioning his ability to make his own decisions.

 

_“What kind of reasons?”_ Her voice is small, quiet, like she doesn’t want to know the reasons behind Jared’s behavior but she’s willing to listen if Jensen wants to tell her.

 

He shakes his head. “I can’t tell you his secrets, Danneel. This is something he hasn’t told anyone. I can’t betray that trust.”

 

_“Why would he trust you? After what he did to you, why would he trust you to help him with whatever issues he’s got? Most normal people in your position would be out for revenge.”_

 

“I don’t want revenge.” Jensen doesn’t want to think about the fact that that apparently makes him abnormal.

 

_“No, you seemingly want to jump his bones.”_ When Jensen doesn’t argue that statement, she screams him name down the line and he has to hold the phone away from his ear.

 

“I think you just burst my eardrum.”

 

_“I don’t give a shit if I just burst your fucking head! You cannot seriously be telling me that you’re into Jared now?”_

 

“Well, you know I thought he was cute on his first day, before he started all that shit.”

 

_“Yes, but then he started all that shit,”_ Danneel emphasizes slowly. _“Surely that turned you off the guy a little?”_

 

“Yeah, and then I found out some things, and spent some time with the guy, and now I think he’s pretty cool. He’s a nice guy, Dan. I…I like him.”

 

_“Oh, my God,”_ Jensen can practically hear her face palming over the phone. _“Did you get replaced by a pod person when I wasn’t looking?”_

 

“Hey! What happened to being my best friend and sticking by me no matter what? Isn’t that what you told me when we were twelve?”

 

_“Yes, but that was when you came out to me and wanted me to be there when you told your parents. Falling for the guy who’s been mentally torturing you for two months isn’t the same thing, Jensen.”_

 

“Can you at least trust me that he had a good reason for doing what he did and he’s over that now? He’s not the same guy he was his first day at North Ridge.”

 

She’s quiet again, and Jensen knows she’s thinking over everything he’s said.

 

_“You’re sure he has a good reason?”_ she asks, suspicion lacing her tone.

 

“Yes, his reason could with the gold medal of reasons for doing anything.”

 

_“Are his parents really homophobic and he was trying to pretend that he wasn’t gay because he was scared of what they could do to him?”_

 

Jensen chuckles. “No. His parents are pretty fucking awesome, actually. Remind me a lot of my folks.”

 

_“Okay,”_ Danneel muses. _“And you’re really not going to tell me?”_

 

“I can’t give away his secrets, Dan, not even to you. I don’t know what made him trust me enough to tell me, but this isn’t really something you repeat.” Jensen doesn’t mention the fact that he already told his mother. He doesn’t need his loyalty to her called into question.

 

_“I don’t like this, Jen,”_ she says, _“but I trust you to know what you’re doing. I’ll be here for you when this all goes south.”_

 

“Your faith in me is astounding,” he deadpans.

 

_“It’s not you I don’t have any faith in.”_

 

Jensen lets that go, because he really doesn’t have anything to argue it with.

 

“Thanks, Dan.”

 

_“No problem. Hey, we’re thinking about taking in a movie later, you wanna tag along?”_

 

“No,” Jensen declines. “I didn’t sleep good last night, think I’m just gonna veg here. Enjoy having the house to myself for a while.”

 

_“When you say you didn’t sleep good…”_ she lets the sentence hang, but Jensen gets her point.

 

“Because I couldn’t sleep. Not because of any other reason. I was alone, I swear.”

 

_“I was just making sure.”_ She laughs. _“Alright, I’m gonna go. I’ll check in on you later. I love you.”_

 

“I love you, too.” Jensen waits until he hears the dial tone before he puts the phone back in the cradle.

 

He sighs and leans his head back against the couch. All things considered, that went better than he thought it would.

 

///

 

It’s after five when Jensen decides he’s hungry enough to want something to eat. He calls his favorite Chinese place, and orders more food than he can possibly eat, but he can’t really make up his mind what he wants and thinks he’ll probably eat the leftovers for lunch the next day anyway.

 

He’s sitting on the couch watching a ‘Friends’ rerun, still wearing the sweats and t-shirt he slept in, when the doorbell rings.

 

He grabs his wallet from the coffee table, pulling out the money as he opens the front door. “How much will that be?”

 

“I dunno, depends what you want, I guess.”

 

Startled, Jensen looks up to see Jared standing on the porch with his hands in the pockets of his jeans. He’s smiling, but he looks a little nervous, too, like he’s not sure he made the right choice in coming to Jensen’s house. His smile wilts a little when Jensen stays quiet.

 

“Um,” Jensen shakes himself. “Sorry, I was waiting on my take out.”

 

“Oh.” Jared takes a step back, his smile gone completely now and Jensen misses it instantly. “I didn’t realize. I’ll leave you to it.”

 

“No,” Jensen practically yells. Jared stops and Jensen blushes. “I mean, it’s fine. I ordered a ton of food, never be able to eat it all myself. You wanna join me?” Jared nods quickly, and Jensen steps aside to let him into the house.

 

He’s just closed the front door when the doorbell rings again, and Jensen rolls his eyes, pulling it open to reveal the delivery guy.

 

“Hi, Ackles?”

 

“That’s me.”

 

The guy tells him how much his order is and Jensen hands over the cash, telling him to keep the change, before Jensen grabs the bag of food and closes the door again.

 

“Whoa, you weren’t kidding,” Jared says with a laugh when he sees the bags in Jensen’s arms. “How the hell could you think you could eat all that?”

 

Jensen shrugs and beckons Jared to follow him to the kitchen, speaking over his shoulder. “I slept really late, so I didn’t bother with breakfast, so this is sorta breakfast, lunch and dinner all rolled into one.”

 

Jared sniggers. “I don’t know if you’ll have enough to share, then.”

 

“Wise ass.” Jensen sends Jared a mock glared and sets the bag of Chinese food on the breakfast bar, indicating the stools tucked beneath it. “Sit. Dig in. I’ll get some drinks.”

 

Jensen grabs a pitcher of milk and a jug of water from the fridge, grabbing glasses from the cupboard and an extra set of chopsticks as he passes on his way back to Jared.

 

The other boy has already got most of the cartons opened, and Jensen snags the beef and broccoli even as Jared tucks into another.

 

“Where are your parents?” Jared asks around a mouth for of Lo Mein.

 

“Gone to visit my grandparents. I begged off yesterday, told them I just needed some time to wind down after everything that happened.”

 

Jared blushes at that, because he knows exactly what Jensen needs to wind down from, and Jensen doesn’t make any move to placate him, because it would be a lie.

 

They lapse into silence as they eat and it’s easy, the two of them together, just like it was the night before at Jared’s house, and Jensen forces himself to relax.

 

 

“I think I ate too much.”

 

Jared laughs loudly at Jensen’s whining and Jensen reaches out with a socked foot to kick at him, but he’s too full to move much and so his kick is pretty ineffective.

 

They’re both lying in a heap on the couch, one of them at either end with their legs entwined in the middle, and Jensen would be just fine if he didn’t have to move from this spot ever again.

 

“This movie sucks,” Jared says suddenly and Jensen has to force his eyes open to see what they’re watching.

 

He blinks. “Tell me why I’m seeing Julia Roberts dressed in army clothes sitting on a plane with Bradley Cooper?”

 

“Dunno,” Jared answers. “This is what was on when we crashed here.”

 

Too tired to really care or reach for the remote, Jensen just watches whatever stupid movie this is, zoning out as he listens to Jared’s soft exhalations from the other end of the couch.

 

Then the werewolf from Twilight appears on the screen – minus his shirt, of course – and Jensen surges to his feet. “Hell no. I am not watching this crap.”

 

Jared, startled by Jensen’s sudden movement, looks up at him. “And you need to be on your feet to do something about this?”

 

Jensen nods. “I got other movies in my room that I’d rather be watching. Gonna go get one. You got any preferences?”

 

Jared shrugs. “What do you have?”

 

Jensen opens his mouth to answer, then stops. “I have no idea.” He nods his head towards the stairs. “Come on, you can help me pick something.”

 

Jensen trudges upstairs with Jared following behind him and stops short in the doorway of his bedroom. It’s only good reflexes on Jared’s part that stops the other boy from crashing into him.

 

“I do not remember my room being this messy,” Jensen mumbles, looking around at the piles of clothes – clean and dirty – lying everywhere, schoolwork and his cameras, video games and DVD’s, and stupid magazines that he doesn’t remember buying.

 

He feels weirdly embarrassed that this is the idea Jared’s getting of him – a dirty slob who can’t even be bother to pick up after himself. He didn’t even shower today, just washed up in the sink with a wash cloth.

 

Forget that, he’s beyond embarrassed.

 

But Jared simply pushes past him into the room, crossing quickly to the bookshelf that should really be renamed the DVD shelf for all the books Jensen has on it.

 

“Oh, cool. A-Team. I haven’t seen this,” Jared exclaims, pulling the movie from the shelf.

 

Jensen cringes a little as he follows Jared across the room. “Yeah, I sort of have this thing for Bradley Cooper. I’d have been totally fine with that movie downstairs if it wasn’t for that Twilight guy.” He frowns. There’s something about that movie that’s sticking at the back of his mind. “I think my sister saw that movie, actually. I think she said that Bradley plays a gay guy.” Jensen gets excited at that, bouncing on his toes a little. “You know what? I could live with that werewolf guy if it meant seeing Bradley play a gay dude.” He turns on his heel to go back to the living room.

 

“Jensen?”

 

Jared’s soft voice stops him before he’s taken more than half a step, and Jensen turns back, following Jared’s eyes to the corkboard on the wall above his desk.

 

He’s staring at the photo Jensen took of Jared at Homecoming, standing on his own in the middle of the dance floor, staring right into Jensen’s lens.

 

To Jensen, it’s like everything just stops and he can’t seem to make himself move. He wants to tell Jared it’s a beautiful shot, that’s all, but if that were true, then Jensen would have handed it into the newspaper staff, or the yearbook people, just like he did with all the other beautiful shots he took that night.

 

But he didn’t, he kept it, edited it on his computer the Sunday night after Homecoming until it was perfect. Then he printed out one single copy, pinned it to his corkboard and deleted the file from his hard drive.

 

The reason the photo’s there, for Jensen to look at every single day, has nothing to do with the shot and everything to do with the subject.

 

When he turns back to look at Jared, he’s standing closer than Jensen thinks he was before, and he wants to step away, put some space between them, but he still can’t move.

 

“Jensen?” Jared says again, and it still sounds like a question that Jensen doesn’t have any answers for.

 

He wants to run away, to tell Jared he can’t do this, not after what Jared did to him, how Jared treated him. But he can’t, because Jared’s not the person Jensen thought he was. Jared is sweet and kind and funny and he was so scared by what’s happened in his life that he didn’t know how to deal with it, so he lashed out at the people he thought would hurt him the most and Jensen can’t blame him for that.

 

The kiss, when it comes, is as much of a surprise as it is no surprise at all.

 

Jensen hasn’t kissed many people. Danneel once, when she was insistent that he needed to be sure he really didn’t like girls before he told his family. Then there was Genevieve during a mistaken game of Spin the Bottle when they’d stolen some of Steve’s dad’s beer when they were sixteen. And of course, there was Misha.

 

But kissing Jared? It’s like nothing Jensen’s ever felt before.

 

It’s soft and chaste and innocent and so full of emotion, better than anything Jensen’s ever experienced.

 

He puts a hand to Jared’s face, his thumb making circles on Jared’s cheekbone, just as Jared reaches up to cup the back of Jensen’s head. Jensen smiles into the kiss, opening his mouth to deepen it, surprised when Jared follows his lead.

 

He touches his tongue to Jared’s, licks into his mouth, and suddenly the kiss isn’t so innocent anymore.

 

It’s not dirty or overly sexual like some of the kisses Jensen sees in some of the porn he watches, but it is needful, passionate, full of something Jensen can’t name, but then he’s stumbling against nothing when Jared suddenly pulls away.

 

“Oh, God, I can’t,” Jared whispers harshly, wiping at his mouth with the back of his hand.

 

Jensen nods, completely understanding. “It’s okay.”

 

Jared shakes his head almost violently, scraping his fingers back through his hair so hard it looks painful. He’s staring at the floor, avoiding Jensen’s eyes, and Jensen ducks a little, trying to get Jared to look at him.

 

“Hey, come on, look at me, please?”

 

Jared squeezes his eyes shut. “I’m sorry. Oh, God, I’m so sorry, Jensen.”

 

“What? Why?”

 

“I can’t, I can’t do this, Jensen, I’m sorry, please.”

 

“Jared, you have nothing to apologize for,” Jensen tries, taking a step forward to put a hand on Jared’s bicep.

 

“No,” Jared jerks away. “No, please…Jensen, please don’t make me…”

 

Jensen recoils, something sick twisting in his stomach when he realizes what has gotten Jared so upset, what he thinks Jensen wants.

 

Jensen shakes his head. “Jared…no. I would never…”

 

Jared finally looks up at him, looks into Jensen eyes and Jensen can see the sheer terror on the other boy’s face, but he can also see the moment Jared realizes that he’s read the situation wrong.

 

“Jared,” Jensen says quietly, trying to make Jared understand that he’s not upset.

 

The color drains from Jared’s face and he takes another stumbling step back. “Oh…oh, God, Jensen, I…”

 

“Wait,” Jensen says, his voice breathless. “Just, wait a second.”

 

But it’s too late, Jared just turns on his heel and runs from the room.

 

By the time Jensen gets his feet to cooperate, Jared is already down the stairs and out the front door, his shoes still lying next to the foot of the stairs.

 

Jensen stands on the porch and looks across the street at Jared’s house, standing silent and oppressive, like Jared just turned and ran down the street.

 

With a deep breath, Jensen heads back inside and up to his room, throwing on the first pair of jeans that come to hand and an old t-shirt that he’s pretty sure used to be Josh’s before he grabs his keys and Jared’s Chuck’s and heads outside, locking the front door behind him.

 

///

 

He finds Jared an hour later sitting on a bench in the park, hugging his knees to his chest.

 

Jensen stands in front of him and huffs an irritated breath. “You going for the Hide and Seek world record or something?”

 

Jared shrugs. “Clearly not since you found me.”

 

Jensen just rolls his eyes and throws Jared’s sneakers at him. Jared gives him a grateful smile as he pulls them on as Jensen sits down next to him on the bench.

 

“Why’d you run?” Jensen asks after a few painful moments of silence.

 

Jared shrugs again. “Embarrassed mostly. Scared.”

 

“Scared of what?”

 

“I wanted to kiss you.”

 

Jensen snorts. “Great, the thought of kissing me scares the shit out of you. That does wonders for my confidence.”

 

“It’s been a really long time since I wanted to kiss anyone,” Jared says softly. “All those girls I was with, it was different.”

 

“I wanted to kiss you, too,” Jensen says, because he feels the need to let Jared know that they’re both on the same page at least.

 

“But…but…I…” Jared stammers. “I’m not ready to…to…”

 

Jensen nods with a smile. “I know. And I would never push you on that, you know that. Jared, kissing and making out doesn’t always lead to sex.” He chuckles. “What, did you fuck every girl you made out with?”

 

Jared shifts, clearly uncomfortable and embarrassed again. “I didn’t want anyone to figure it out. I didn’t want anyone to think I didn’t want them, so I…”

 

Jensen lets out a low whistle and slumps back against the bench. “Jesus, I’ve slept with one person my entire life. Do I even wanna know how many girls you’ve banged?”

 

Jared smiles, but it looks sad. “I don’t think I made it all the way through the cheerleading team. Three-quarters, maybe.”

 

Jensen chuckles. “Oh, well, that’s not so bad. I can live with that.”

 

Jared finally lifts his eyes from the grass in front of him and turns to look at Jensen. “You really wanna do this? You and me?”

 

“I figure we could give it a shot. You like me, I like you. Seems pretty simple.”

 

“I don’t know when I’ll be ready for…” Jared waves a hand vaguely in the air.

 

“Like I said, I’m not gonna push you on that and I’m not gonna dump you just because you won’t put out.” Jared rolls his eyes and smiles, and Jensen presses on. “I just wanna show you, prove to you that not all guys are like Craig. That not every guy wants sex and nothing more. And maybe, one day, when you learn to trust me, we can think about taking that next step.”

 

“I do trust you, Jensen,” Jared says seriously. “Don’t think that this is because I don’t trust you, because it’s not. If I didn’t trust you, I wouldn’t be sitting here right now. I wouldn’t have kissed you.”

 

Jensen cocks his head. “You might trust me, but you don’t trust me enough, otherwise you never would have run out on me.”

 

Jared blushes and looks away, squirming in his seat like he wants to run again and Jensen takes his face in his hands and turns him back around.

 

“I promise, if you let me, I’ll show you how great a relationship with another man can be. When you’re ready, I’ll show you how amazing and wonderful sex can be. If you’ll let me, Jared, because this has to be your decision.”

 

There are tears glittering in Jared’s eyes when reaches up to grab hold of Jensen’s wrists and he presses his forehead to Jensen’s. “I wanna try.”

 

Jensen smiles. Considering what Jared’s been through, it’s probably the best he’s gonna get.

 

Chapter 6

 

When Jared sits down at their table at lunch on Monday, Jensen thinks he shouldn’t be surprised, but he still is.

 

They spent most of Saturday and Sunday at Jensen’s house, watching movies in the living room and pigging out on more take-out.

 

They made out for a little while on Sunday morning and it had been good, better than good and Jensen had realized that he could wait. He could give Jared the time he needed and they’d be okay.

 

When Jensen’s mom called just after five in the afternoon, telling Jensen they’d bring pizza home with them because she couldn’t be bothered to cook, Jared reluctantly decided it was time he went home.

 

They spent a few minutes making out against the front door before Jensen finally allowed him to leave.

 

Still, just because things had changed between them doesn’t mean Jensen thought anything at school would be different. He’d thought Jared would want to keep his head down, to keep his secret a little longer, until he was more comfortable around Jensen.

 

Apparently he was wrong.

 

Jensen opens his mouth to say ‘hello’, or to ask Jared what the hell he’s doing, he’s not really sure which, but Genevieve speaks before he can figure that out.

 

“Are you lost?” she asks scathingly, and Jensen cringes on Jared’s behalf.

 

Jared blinks and looks around the table, finally noticing that everyone is staring at him. “Um…no?”

 

“Your friends are over there.” Danneel jerks a thumb over her shoulder at Jared’s regular table. Jensen can’t help but see that it’s four people down.

 

“Just let it go, Dan,” Steve says with a snigger and when Jensen looks at him, he can see that Steve knows exactly what’s going on.

 

“Chad, Sandy and Tom got suspended,” Jared says carefully, flicking his eyes back to Jensen.

 

“Really?”

 

Genevieve sits up a little straighter. “What for?”

 

Jensen frowns. He really thought that Danneel would fill both Genevieve and Steve in on what she’d learned following Jensen’s phone call on Saturday.

 

“Fighting,” Jared answers her. “They tried to beat me up.”

 

“Tried?” Steve asks. “Looks like they succeeded if you ask me.”

 

Jensen takes in the bruises on Jared’s face, his cut lip, but his eyes are drawn to the mark on Jared’s throat, the one that Jensen put there. He likes that one a whole lot better.

 

Jared shrugs. “Would have been a lot worse if Jensen hadn’t been there.” He looks back at Jensen and smiles sheepishly. “Three days suspension and two weeks detention, including Saturdays.”

 

Jensen grins. “Hell, I’ll take that.”

 

Jared turns his attention to his lunch and takes a huge bite out of his apple but Jensen can see that his friends are still staring at both him and Jared like they’re waiting for the other shoe to drop and for Jared to haul back and smack Jensen right in the mouth.

 

After what happened over the last few days, Jensen can’t help but find that really funny and he laughs into his salad before he clears his throat.

 

“Alright, what?” he asks, looking from Danneel to Steve to Genevieve and back again.

 

“So, is this just, like, a three day deal?” Genevieve cocks an eyebrow at Jared. “When Chad and his little minions come back, are you gonna run back to them, done with your little community outreach?”

 

Jared’s mouth works silently for a few seconds before he turns to stare at Jensen. “You didn’t tell them?”

 

Jensen shrugs. “Why? This is so much more fun.”

 

Steve grins. “Tell us what?”

 

Jensen just shakes his head and looks away, but then Jared’s hands are on his face, turning him around so that he can kiss Jensen deeply, right there in the middle of the cafeteria!

 

So much for Jensen’s theory that Jared would want to stay quiet about their relationship, and he’s certainly gaining confidence with initiating the kisses between them.

 

Jensen gets a little lost in the kiss, sinking into the sensations and burying his hands in Jared’s long hair, and when Jared pulls away, Jensen tries to follow his lips and ends up falling against Jared’s strong body. He decides to stay where he is.

 

All of his friends – in fact, the whole cafeteria – are staring at them, but Jensen ignores them all, settling into Jared’s embrace when the taller boy slings an arm around his shoulders.

 

“My mom says you have to come for dinner sometime this week,” Jared tells him.

 

“Wha-?” is Jensen eloquent reply.

 

Jared laughs. “Apparently, she thinks that spending the whole weekend at some boy’s house makes him my boyfriend.”

 

Jensen snorts. “She ain’t wrong.” It’s out of his mouth before he’s even finished fully processing the thought and he avoids everyone’s eyes, looking down at the food on his tray as Jared gives him a squeeze.

 

“Yeah,” he agrees, barreling right past Jensen’s word vomit. “So you have to come over for dinner. Sort of a meet the family kinda thing.”

 

Jensen rolls his eyes. “Fucking awesome. I’m expecting my mom to say the same thing about you.” He blushes. “When I tell her what’s going on, anyway. Which I haven’t yet.”

 

Jared laughs, but he calms down pretty quickly, a small smirk still playing on his lips. Jensen sort of wants to bite at it.

 

“Aw, come on,” Jared cajoles, “it won’t be that bad. My mom already thinks you’re great. It’s me who should be worried right now. Your mom probably knows everything that happened over the last few months.”

 

“She does,” Jensen confirms, “but that doesn’t mean she hates you.”

 

“But I do,” Genevieve butts in and Jensen glares at her as he goes on.

 

“She was more worried about you than anything.” He shrugs at Jared’s surprised look. “I figured out what was going on with you pretty quick. You know, after you molested me in the darkroom.”

 

“Molested you?!” Jared gasps. “And what do you call what you did to me over the weekend?”

 

Jensen feels a pang of something ugly twist in his stomach at the thought of molesting Jared and he pulls himself away, looking up into the boy’s face. There’s something in Jared’s eyes, like he’s silently begging Jensen to play along, to just accept the statement as the joke it was meant to be and Jensen feels his shoulders relax a little.

 

“Hey,” he says, a smile curling his lips, “it wasn’t like you were complaining when I was sucking on your-”

 

“Okay!” Danneel says loudly, slamming her bottle down onto the table so hard that some water spills over the rim. “I think I speak for everyone here when I say that I really don’t want to know what you were sucking.”

 

“His neck,” Jensen says sternly, pointing to the hicky on Jared’s neck.

 

They both grow quiet when Genevieve sighs loudly. She narrows her eyes at Jared for a few seconds before she glares at Jensen.

 

“Are you really sure you want to do this?”

 

Jared speaks up for Jensen has a chance to answer.

 

“Look, guys, I know I’ve been a huge bastard these last few months, especially to Jensen, and while he’s sort of forgiven me – or at least agreed to forget about what happened – I know I’m gonna have a harder time with you guys. But I want you to know that I’m gonna do my best to prove to you that the guy you’ve known for the last few months is not the real me.”

 

There’s silence for a few seconds and Jensen lets his eyes wander from one person to the next, before Steve finally shrugs and goes back to his lunch.

 

“Works for me,” he mumbles and Danneel squawks.

 

“Well, it doesn’t work for me! Jensen, how can you just forgive him so easily? Just like that and you jump into bed with him?”

 

“No, not just like that.” Jensen pinches the bridge of his nose. “Danni, I told you, Jared has a good reason for acting like he did and I’m not going to hold that against him. Just trust me to know what I’m doing, okay?”

 

“And you’re not going to tell us what that reason is?” the red head asks Jared.

 

Jared clears his throat and shifts a little in his seat, like he’s uncomfortable. “Jensen’s right, there are reasons for why I did what I did. I’m not saying that those reasons excuse what I did, but it did help Jensen understand me a little better, I think. I know that I have a lot to make up for, and you guys probably deserve to know the reasons why I turned out like I did, but…” He pauses and takes a deep breath. “I already had to face up to it once in the last few days, already had my world turned upside down when I found out that what I thought wasn’t true, and I’m just not ready to do it again. At least not yet.”

 

They’re all looking at him like they don’t know who he is, like their perception of him has changed with just a few simple sentences. Jensen knows exactly how they feel.

 

“I don’t forgive you,” Danneel says carefully.

 

“I do,” Steve pipes up, waving his fork in the air. Danneel whirls on him and he shrugs. “The guy’s obviously been through some stuff that we can’t even possibly guess at, Babe. That’s bound to have some sort of effect. And if Jared needs to lash out at someone to make some of the hurt go away…if that’s how he copes, then that’s cool. He’s apologized to Jensen, Jensen forgives him, it’s all good as far as I’m concerned.”

 

“I’m not lashing out anymore,” Jared tells them. “I’ve learned some things, figured out I was mad at the wrong peo – um, person. Jensen’s helping me deal with everything.”

 

“But,” Danneel carries on like no one had interrupted her, “I don’t think I’ve ever seen Jensen this happy and whether I like it or not, you have something to do with that. So, no, I don’t forgive you yet – I’m not even sure if I like you right now – but you’re a part of Jensen’s life, and a pretty damn important one if the way he hasn’t let go of you since you sat down is anything to go by. So I’m okay with you hanging around, if you promise me you’re going to be on your best behavior from now on, and make it up to us for turning Jensen into a moping, whining little brat for the last couple weeks.”

 

“I did not mope,” Jensen points out.

 

Steve chuckles. “You so moped. You were doing some major moping, but I think it might have been some sort of misplaced guilt or anger because Jared was being such a dick to you and yet you liked him anyway.”

 

Jared nudges him. “You liked me anyway?”

 

Jensen blushes. “Have you seen you? Shut up. Just because I had a crush on you didn’t mean I was gonna do anything about it. I wasn’t even gonna do anything about it this weekend.”

 

Genevieve laughs like she’s reluctant do to so. “You guys are acting like you’ve been together for years instead of just two days. It’s a little creepy actually.”

 

Jensen gazes at Jared, and realizes he feels it, too, like they’ve known each other all their lives instead of just a few short days.

 

Genevieve sighs again. “Right, that’s it. I can’t be the only single person in this group. I need to find me a boyfriend.” She sits up straighter in her chair and searches around the room. The look on her face when someone catches her eye makes Jensen a little nervous. “Or maybe a girlfriend. Hey, Katie!” She’s up off her seat and racing across the cafeteria before Jensen can say anything else and he turns to watch her sidle up to Katie Cassidy and he doesn’t even want to know how she knows Katie would be into some girl-on-girl action. Genevieve scares him sometimes.

 

Something catches his attention and Jensen looks past where Genevieve is flirting with Katie and sees Sophia with her cell phone held tight to her ear. She’s gesticulating wildly and her eyes keep flicking back to their table, and Jensen just knows that she’s filling Sandy in on the new developments in the lives of Jensen and Jared.

 

He knows that it won’t be long until Tom and Chad are filled in, but, as Jared’s arm settles more firmly around his shoulders, Jensen just can’t bring himself to care, because no matter what it is, he knows they’ll get through it.

 

///

 

Things settle into sort of an easy rhythm after that first day.

 

When Chad, Tom and Sandy return to school, they tried to start something and a fight broke out in the middle of the parking lot after the final bell.

 

Jared had wailed on Chad so hard, the football player missed the next three games. Genevieve and Danneel both smacked Sandy across the face and Jensen had taken great delight in kicking Tom between the legs while Steve filmed everything on his phone.

 

All eight of them got suspended, but Jensen doesn’t care, because he has the best video ever and both his mom and Jared’s tell them they did the right thing.

 

Chad and Tom never bother with them again, but they’d occasionally throw looks across the cafeteria, like they’re pissed that Jensen stole their golden boy.

 

It’s not until the night of their graduation that Jared feels safe enough with Jensen and trusts him enough to take that final step.

 

They sneak away from the joint party their parents are throwing them in Jared’s back yard, leaving both sets of parents discussing the logistics of getting them both to UT Dallas in the fall.

 

They make love in Jensen’s bed, slow and tender, and Jensen’s heart soars when Jared tells him how amazing it was.

 

Jensen thinks living on that edge was totally worth it.


End file.
